Devastation
by melraemorgan
Summary: Tony and Gibbs finally take the plunge. Can they make it work? Will life and fate allow them to be happy? WARNING:MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is my third attempt at a NCIS fic, and my first at full on slash ever. I have made the wise choice to have the majority of this story written before posting. I haven't decided how graphic I will let this get. The current version is pretty steamy; but that part is several chapters away. Unfortunately, I still haven't figured out the 'find a Beta' thing. So please, forgive my horrendous grammatical errors.

PS. I do know there is already a fic called "Devastation" posted but I started this story months ago, with this title. My apologies to the other author but I just don't have it in me to change the name.

Disclaimer: I do NOT own NCIS

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Something was happening between them. He wasn't quite sure what it was but there was a definite _something._ He'd been in love with Gibbs for a long time but he had given up and decided to move on, with EJ, for now. Then Gibbs began to act possessive and the weird conversation in the basement tilted Tony's world on its axis. But there was no time to address whatever it was with the whole Port-to Port Killer situation, then Mike Franks was murdered and Gibbs went into… well, _Gibbsmode_. Now that the hellishness of the serial killer had been resolved Tony decided to test the Gibbs waters again.

They were alone in the bullpen he and Gibbs finishing up their respective paperwork, Tony decided to take his shot.

"Hey Boss, wanna come and have a beer with me?"

Tony couldn't believe he was being so forward, but he was done playing around. If nothing else the events of the past few months were a wakeup call.

Gibbs looked up at him above the rim of his glasses and just stared before speaking.

_God he is so sexy in those things. _ Tony's stomach did a small flip.

"Sure, DiNozzo just give me a couple of minutes."

Tony smiled his first real smile in a long time.

"Great Boss, I'll just be over here finishing up."

Tony walked back to his desk with a noticeable spring in his step.

############################################################

Gibbs thought that he may be making a mistake but he was tired of tip toeing around his feelings.

_Life is too damn short Jethro. Sink or swim, make your move. _

He'd felt this way about Tony for a long time, dating Hollis Mann just confirmed it for him. Seeing Tony with EJ Barrett had made him crazy with jealousy. He had to at least try and see if there was any hope of Tony and he working out.

He finished his report and began shutting down his PC he glanced up to see Tony watching him with affection. It gave his stomach butterflies, and other parts of him were reacting in _other _ways. The thought of being on the elevator alone with Tony… It was one of his favorite fantasies, was sending jolts of pleasure through him.

_Calm down Marine! You can't just push him up against the elevator and… Oh hell…_

That was not a helpful image. He took a few deep breaths thought about paying taxes or watching Ducky do an autopsy, and shifted around in his chair for a moment before turning his desk lamp off.

_Hopefully he won't notice… Who am I kidding?_

"Let's go DiNozzo, I could use a drink."

"On it Boss."

############################################################

Tony sensed something was bothering Gibbs as they made their way to the elevator through the darkened bullpen. As they reached the elevator and the door opened casting its light Tony caught himself checking his boss out. That's when he saw it.

_He's aroused… Damn now I'm aroused._

Tony quickly averted his eyes in the hope that Gibbs wouldn't see him looking. It was too late.

Gibbs' patience with all this unresolved sexual tension had come to its end. He reached out and flipped the emergency stop switch.

Tony closed his eyes and groaned inside his head. _This isn't going to be good._

When he opened them again he was startled to find piercing blue eyes staring back at him and Gibbs so close he could feel his body heat. His mouth went dry.

"Didja see anything you liked Di—Tony?" His voice was low and soft and sexy as hell.

Tony swallowed in an effort to bring moisture back to his throat. "Umm yeah, I uhh—"

"What are you going to do about it?"

Suddenly he found his libido in the driver's seat and he reached out his hand and pulled Gibbs to him and gave him a long and slow kiss, there was no tongue, just lips as he poured as much emotion into that kiss as he could.

It was enough. Gibbs responded by pushing him back against the wall and savaging his mouth with his, it was hot and passionate and made Tony weak in his knees.

He heard himself moan. "Gibbs…"

"Jethro, not Gibbs."

"Jethro…" Tony sighed as he felt Jethro's erection pushing into his.

"Look at me." Gibbs commanded.

Tony opened his eyes.

"This is _not_ just sex. You understand?"

Tony nodded. _Oh thank God._

"We do this, that's it; there will be no one else for me _or _you. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Jethro… I don't want anyone else…only you." _Always…_

That did it. It was all Gibbs needed to hear and he began kissing Tony, touching him, each caress sending flames of desire and pleasure coursing through the younger man.

"Tony…"

"Yes…"

"I want you so much. But we can't, not here, not now. It's too soon."

Tony groaned in frustration. "Yes _now_. Do you know how many times I've jerked off to this fantasy? Now, _please _Jethro." He whined.

Gibbs chuckled and said, "You jerked off thinking about me, doing this to you in the elevator?" He skimmed his hand across Tony's hard on.

"Yes, dammit! You are a cruel bastard, either fuck me right now or quit touching me." Tony gasped.

Gibbs looked at him a moment with a predatory smile and said, "I jerked off to fucking you in this elevator too… but we can't. So come on."

Tony felt like he was going to die of a bad case of blue balls when Gibbs turned around and started the elevator back up.

"What the hell Gibbs? Are you _trying _to kill me?"

Gibbs laughed. "No, but when I fuck you the first time Tony it sure as hell won't be in the elevator. Now let's go get something to eat and figure out some things, you know, talk."

The growl in Gibbs' voice when he said he would fuck him nearly made Tony come. But the fact that Gibbs wanted to talk shocked him out of his desperately horny state.

"Talk? You want to _talk_? Jesus. Who are you and what have you done with Leroy Jethro Gibbs?"

The elevator dinged open to the parking garage and Gibbs walked out leaving an incredulous Tony standing there with his very pink, and plump, thoroughly kissed mouth, hanging open in bewilderment. It made controlling himself all the more difficult and to see Tony looking so debauched was making his resolve weaken. He couldn't help but imagine what Tony would look like when he was coming.

_Self-control Jethro… You need to make things very clear first._

"Are you coming or not DiNozzo?"

Tony hopped between the closing doors and said, "No and _that's _the problem, dammit."

That made Gibbs laugh again. "What's the matter Tony, you can't take a little waiting?"

"A _little _waiting? Are you serious? I've been waiting for you for fucking _years._"

Gibbs stopped a few feet from his car and gave Tony a look that made him nervous.

"Years, DiNozzo?" His voice was filled with regret and disbelief.

Tony stepped closer and placed his hand gently on Gibbs face and said earnestly, "Yes, Jethro years. I have lo—wanted you for years. I never dreamed I could have you and now here we are and all that wanting has left me craving you like… like oxygen."

It was possibly the most romantic and sexy thing Gibbs had ever heard and it touched his heart, making him even surer that slowing things down was the way to go.

He kissed Tony sweetly and said, "Come on let's go, I have beer and steaks."

Tony felt the shift in the mood to something more tender and he got into Gibbs' car without a word.

The two men were quiet for a few minutes and Jethro drove more sanely and cautiously than Tony had ever seen before.

"How long Tony?"

Tony wasn't sure how to answer that or even if he should or could.

"I think I knew for certain after Kate died and you were so—_nice. _It scared me. It made me realize that if something happened to you… it would kill me."

Gibbs felt a tightening in his chest when he thought back to that time.

"That long hunh?"

"Yeah, lame isn't it?"

They pulled up into Gibbs' driveway and he turned to Tony and said, "No, not lame Tony, I have felt… _something, _for a long time too."

Tony laughed. "We're idiots."

Gibbs smiled a genuine smile that made his eyes light up. "Yeah, we are."

They got out of the car both smiling and feeling a sense of anticipation. Tony followed Gibbs through the door and living room and into the kitchen. When Gibbs opened the fridge he handed him a beer and pulled out the steaks.

"Anything I can do to help?"

"Yeah, why don't you make the salad and take out the baked potatoes. We can warm them up on the fire."

"Okay, sounds good." He took out the two aluminum wrapped potatoes and all the things for salad.

Tony set about making the salad, cutting up tomatoes while Gibbs started the fire. It felt so good and right to be doing this; he could easily see himself and Jethro being domestic this way. His reverie was broken by the feel of Jethro's strong arms reaching around him, his body pressed into Tony's back. Tony leaned into Jethro and sighed contentedly.

"This feels good." Gibbs said.

"Yeah, it really does."

Tony rested his head on Jethro's shoulder and looked back at him. Jethro took advantage of the position and kissed him tenderly. The older man trembled with unspoken emotion.

Tony's head felt like it was floating away from his body and the feel of Jethro holding him, Jethro's scent intoxicating him, sent him blissfully reeling. Time seemed to expand and this moment was everything, the whole world, his life collapsed into this one beautiful moment. If being held by Jethro could do this to him then making love would destroy him utterly. He was so drunk with the moment he forgot himself and whispered, "I love you…" When he realized what he'd done he tensed up and his heart began to pound.

_Shit! You moron!_

Gibbs heard him and before he could respond he felt Tony tense and begin to pull away, but he held him there and said quietly with feeling, "I love you too Tony, so much."

Tony turned around in Jethro's arms and looked at him with wonder.

"You do? Really?"

"Yes, I do… _really."_

Tony smiled the most beautiful smile and said, "Thank you."

Gibbs was so moved by the simple and sweet words he felt his throat tighten and all he could manage was a kiss. So he kissed Tony and poured every ounce of his love into it, he looked into Tony's eyes and showed him what was in his heart and saw the moment when Tony really understood, really believed that he was loved, and it filled Gibbs with joy.

Tony couldn't stop the tear that sneaked its way out of his eye and he was embarrassed. But Jethro stopped his hand before he brushed it off, and bent his head and kissed the tear away.

They looked at one another searchingly and came to some silent agreement. Jethro gave Tony another peck on the cheek and went back to start the steaks.

Tony watched him go. Everything was too good to be real. It had to be a dream. He'd never felt so much happiness and peace before. As the endorphins from being so close to Jethro began to fade he suddenly felt fear creeping up on him. This was too good, it was what he always wanted, which made it very dangerous. He felt himself slam back down to earth all the bliss blown away by his doubt and fear.

_What the hell am I doing?_

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	2. Chapter 2

A/N: This is a VERY explicit chapter. Be forewarned. Hope it's okay.

Disclaimer: I do NOT own

Reviews helpful and appreciated.

_########################CHAPTER TWO########################_

Gibbs knew that this wasn't going to be this easy. He'd known Tony a long time. He knew that Tony would freak out at some point which is why he wanted to slow things down, why he wanted to show Tony that he was serious that this _thing _they had was real.

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Dinner finished with little conversation, each man losing themselves in their own thoughts. Wordlessly they took their plates back to the kitchen and Gibbs began washing the dishes.

"Here let me do that." Tony pushed Gibbs out of the way.

Gibbs pushed back. "Nope, you sit. We'll talk."

"Do we have too?"

"Yep."

"Damn."

"Want me to go first?"

"Would you?"

"Sure."

"Thanks."

They both went mute again. Gibbs looked at Tony with a smirk.

"Guess it's harder than I thought."

"Duh."

Gibbs cuffed him on the back of his head.

"Hey! What was that for?"

"You know what for."

"Yeah okay. Are you gonna talk or not?"

"The dishes are almost done… when I finish. I decided I need to be looking at you."

"Okay."

Tony sat and thought about all the arguments against starting a relationship with Gibbs. There were plenty of reasons not to be with his boss, not the least of which was that, he was his _boss._ Other reasons were more esoteric but probably carried more weight with Tony. He was terrified of letting go of his very tight control. To the outside world Tony played the clown but his emotions were locked down tighter than Ft. Knox. If he gave in to his feelings he would be losing that wall of protection that holding back gave him. He wasn't sure that he could handle doing that. He also knew that Gibbs would expect nothing less than all of him and while he gave that willingly at work he wasn't keen on the idea in his personal life. As he mulled all these incongruities over in his mind Gibbs had finished the dishes and was watching Tony's wheels go around.

"Tony?"

"Hmmm? Oh yeah, sorry was thinking."

"I see that. Care to share?"

"Not really. Not yet anyway."

"Okay. Guess I'll just start talking and you jump in when you're ready."

Gibbs pulled out the chair across from Tony and leaned forward on his forearms with his hands clasped before him.

Tony stared at Gibbs' hands and thought about what a marvel they were. They were strong and sure, could kill and create, could caress or slap. He wondered about feeling those hands in his, feeling them touch his skin everywhere. He was losing all perspective.

"Tony? Where'd you go?"

"Nowhere, I was right here I promise." His voice sounded like a mixture of petulance and sadness.

"Fine, look at me though, I need to see you."

Tony exhaled loudly and lifted his head. He wasn't doing a good job of hiding his trepidation. It was Gibbs' turn to sigh.

"I'll try to be brief." It was a bit snarky.

"Sorry Bo—Jethro, just start I'll be okay."

Gibbs nodded took a breath and began to speak.

"We've known each other a long time Tony, there probably aren't many surprises between us. Obviously we have no issue with having sex with men, and just as obvious is our mutual attraction. But the things we said tonight… that's a big deal. That's serious business. I need to know how you feel, what you want, and how far you want this to go. I'm not getting any younger and neither are you, but I have had the picket fence and have had the pleasure and pain of being a parent, you haven't. I'm not sure I can be a part of you missing your chance to do that. I'm not sure that my loving you and spending what I hope is a long rest of my life with you, is enough to make up for that. Also, there is the whole work issue. I am confident that you would maintain a professional demeanor at work but I am somewhat concerned that I may have trouble in that department. That being said, I do love you, I know the totality of who you are and I can't help but love you. You are completely loveable Tony, and I want you in so many ways…every way, and have for a long time and would like nothing better than to show you that every single day."

Tony sat stunned as the words washed over him and their meaning snuck into his brain and his heart. The realization that Gibbs had been thinking about this for a long time and the sheer volume of words he had used had rendered Tony temporarily speechless.

"I—"

Tony's overwhelmed expression kept Gibbs silent.

"Bo—Jethro, I can't… I don't know where to start."

"Anywhere is fine."

"Yeah, ummm okay first of all I am so… I can't describe exactly what I'm feeling but it's a somewhere between elation and fear. God, Jethro I love you so much, but I am scared as hell. Everything you said is part of it, but the biggest thing for me is that I don't think I could survive losing you because things don't work out. Just the thought of being with you and then _not _being with you fills me with absolute terror."

Gibbs face took on a disappointed cast.

"You mean you don't trust me?"

_Crap and I thought he was the one with communication issues._

"No, of course not, I trust you with every fiber of my being. It's me I'm not too sure of. I am something of a screw up as you know and I just know that I will find a way to fuck this up." His head hung in embarrassment.

He heard the chair scrape away from the table and suddenly Gibbs was there crouched down beside Tony forcing him to look him in the eyes.

"Hey, look at me dammit. I want to make sure you get this. You. Are. Not. A screw up. You are a capable and dedicated agent and a courageous and loyal man. I admire you Tony."

"You admire me?" Tony snorted.

He felt the head slap coming before it landed.

"That's what I said DiNozzo, you calling me a liar?" Gibbs was back in alpha mode.

"No Jethro I would never call you a liar." Tony was contrite.

"That's what I thought. As for you messing this thing up, I wouldn't allow you to, so let that go right now. I do need to hear an answer about the rest though."

"About the _long term _nature of what you want or about the whole being a father thing?"

"Both."

"Well I've never really done long term, at least not in a long while." He snickered at his own pun.

Then he saw the pre head slap gleam in Gibbs eye and got back on track.

"Anyway, the thing is I have been with you, in a way, for a long time. There were plenty of times I could of left and even a few when I should have. But I stayed, because of you. Because I can't stand to think of life without you, I tried to let you go and move on when you went to Mexico and you about killed me with the way you acted when you came back. Even then I couldn't leave, I'm sure that makes me pathetic but the fact is I love you more than anything or anyone and I don't see that ever changing."

Gibbs got up with a creak of his knees and a wince and sat in the chair next to Tony.

"Go on."

Tony looked him straight in the eye and continued.

"As far as having kids goes, it's something I used to really want. These days I'm a little more resigned to the fact that it probably won't happen. But if there came a time when I decided I needed to do it, I would want to do it with you. Maybe you aren't comfortable with that and you're right it's something we should address. Whether it's through a surrogate or adoption you would have to be a father with me and that may be too much to ask."

Gibbs looked mildly shocked as he hadn't even thought about the idea of being a father again let alone with another man.

"I can see you didn't consider that option." Tony sounded tense.

"Hold on a minute, I need to think about this. Just give me a chance to mull it over."

Tony sat back and watched as Gibbs began to ruminate his expression changed little and gave nothing away.

After what felt like an eternity he looked down at his hands and said, "I think I would be good with that."

It was Tony's turn to be shocked. He had been positive it was a deal breaker for sure.

"Why do you look so shocked? I told you I loved you and wanted you in every way. If it's that important to you I can't think of any reason I should object. Now are we done putting the cart before the horse and thinking of excuses to _not _be together?"

All of the rest of Tony's reasons crumbled and he felt a weight lift from him. He leaned over and took Gibbs face in his hands his eyes brimming with love for the man.

"I don't know what I did to deserve this but I'm going to savor it." And with that he pulled Gibbs face closer and kissed him tenderly at first but the spark ignited their passion and the kisses became fierce and hungry.

Their hands were everywhere sensation and pleasure overloading both of them, there would be no going slow now. Gibbs kissed Tony his tongue taking ownership of Tony's mouth his hands pulling Tony's shirt out from his waistband needing to feel his skin. Tony had already lifted Gibbs shirt and his hands ran up and down his back as he kissed him back with equal fervor.

When Gibbs finally was able to touch Tony it made him quiver with need for more.

"Jethro…Come on I need you naked." Tony broke the silence.

Gibbs heard that and dragged Tony from the room and up the stairs so quickly it didn't even register.

They fumbled with each other's clothes and soon they were naked. Tony's breath hitched at how beautiful Gibbs was.

"You're beautiful." He said quietly as his eyes swept over every inch of Gibbs' body lingering on his impressive cock.

Gibbs blushed at the words and the rakish way Tony looked at him. But before he could respond Tony was on his knees looking up at him with wanton lust.

"I'm going to suck your cock so good."

And he opened his kiss swollen mouth and enveloped Jethro's straining cock and took it all the way down into his throat.

"Jesus, Tony."

Jethro's knees buckled from the pleasure. Tony was working his lips up and down the shaft as he sucked and hummed, every once in a while swirling his tongue around the head and lavishing attention upon it.

"Oh God, Tony it's so good. Too close."

Rather than slowing Tony down it only encouraged him to go faster and deeper. He grabbed his lover's hips and pushed his cock down his throat his eyes closed in pure enjoyment.

It was too much the sucking and the heat of being sunk into Tony's mouth, of being deep in his throat. Gibbs came with a shout, and his vision greyed out. He came long and hard and for a long time. Tony sucked every bit up and swallowed it all. It was fantastic and dirty and perfect.

"Shit." Gibbs exclaimed and sat on the bed to keep from falling.

Tony got up from the floor, his cock rigid and weeping. He kissed Jethro hard and demanded more. Gibbs always thought that he would be the dominant one in the bedroom but Tony was showing him who was in charge for tonight.

"What about you?"

Jethro looked at his hard cock and moved to return the favor.

"That's not what I want." Tony's eyes dark and glittering with desire, his voice deep and husky with need.

Gibbs swallowed, he could easily see that Tony knew what he was doing but he was a little hesitant. He hadn't been topped in a long time.

"Don't worry Jethro; I'll make you feel so good."

Something in Tony's voice sent shivers down his spine and made his quiescent cock twitch. He found the idea of Tony fucking him suddenly quite appealing.

"Hell yes." He moved up on the bed and lay down.

Tony laughed. "I've never heard you cuss so much."

"DiNozzo would you shut up and get over here and fuck me?" His tone was playful and frustrated all at once.

Tony crawled up on the bed and looked down at Gibbs. "I love you and now I'm going to make love to you." He bent down and kissed Gibbs, his mouth working its way down Gibbs' body tasting and sucking every inch. His hands caressing him and learning what felt good to his lover. Gibbs cock began to stir again and he moaned.

"Where's the lube?" Tony asked thickly.

Gibbs could only manage a jerk of his head towards the nightstand.

Tony found the lube and a condom and bent down to begin his ministrations anew. He soon had Gibbs moaning and his cock almost hard again.

"Tony." He whispered.

Tony kissed him long and deep and gently inserted one slicked up finger into Gibbs' hole. Gibbs tensed a bit at the intrusion.

"Shh I got you Jethro."

Tony kept kissing him and then nipping with his teeth and laving his nipples with his tongue sending waves of pleasure crashing through Gibbs' body. He worked back down to the now hard cock and ran his tongue up and down the shaft nuzzling his balls with each pass; finally he sucked the head of Gibbs' cock into his mouth and added a second finger to Gibbs' tight opening, loosening it further. He looked up at his lover's face as he crooked his fingers and swept them and across his prostate. Gibbs shuddered and moaned as the sparks of ecstasy shot through his being.

"Tony…" His breathy sigh was met with another deep and languid kiss as Tony slipped a third finger into him and began fucking him with his fingers, brushing his prostate every other pass. The pace was maddening Gibbs wanted more.

"Oh God…You need…I… Want you in me, Tony. Please."

"Open your eyes and watch me Jethro." The younger man commanded.

Tony kept thrusting his fingers in and out while he opened the condom with his teeth and his other hand then he rolled it on one handed never stopping his other hand.

Gibbs was coming undone in anticipation.

"Come on." He demanded.

Tony stopped everything and Gibbs thought he would scream in frustration.

"You want something Jethro?"

Tony queried as he stroked lube up and down his generous cock, and then set its blunt tip against Gibbs now fully prepared entrance.

"Fuck me Tony…Now!" He growled.

"Okay."

Tony said as he slid inside him in one long slow stroke allowing just enough time for Gibbs to acclimate. Tony was deep inside him and it felt strange and burned and felt amazing all at the same time. Gibbs sighed with contentedness.

"Fuck Jethro you feel so good, so hot and tight."

Tony fought the urge to begin pounding into him and started a slow and steady rhythm. Each stroke drove him deeper until his balls rested on his lover's ass.

"Look at me Jethro."

Gibbs looked and his eyes drank in the scene of Tony buried deep inside him, it felt so good and right. Then Tony began moving again this time faster, he changed his angle every few strokes to pound Gibbs' prostate, sending jolts of electricity through his trembling form. Gibbs' cock was now hard and throbbing with his own impending orgasm.

Tony gave up his relentlessly controlled pace and started fucking Gibbs hard and fast hitting his prostate now continually.

"Holy shit!" Gibbs cried when Tony wrapped his hand around Gibbs' cock while he kept thrusting. Then he exploded in a fiery burst of mind blowing pleasure, come shooting out of him like some kind of fireworks. He blacked out momentarily.

Tony came seconds later shouting his name. "Jethro!"

Gibbs watched as Tony came, the look on his flushed and glistening face was glorious. It was filled with love and triumph and joy, and when he collapsed on top of him Gibbs held the younger man tightly as he shook with aftershocks.

When they both stilled from their shared earth shattering orgasms and Tony slipped out of him, Gibbs kissed Tony's brow and said, "Come on let's get cleaned up."

Tony mumbled something incoherent.

"As much as I am enjoying this, we have to sleep here tonight and I don't enjoy laying in the wet spot or being glued to the bed." Gibbs admonished.

Tony sighed and extricated himself from Gibbs' arms. Then pulled the condom off and tied it closed as he walked to the bathroom to throw it away. He grabbed a washcloth from the shelf and wet it with warm water and cleaned himself up, then rinsed it out and came back and carefully cleaned Gibbs' belly and chest off.

All the while Gibbs studied Tony, the play of his muscles under his skin, the loping prowl in his walk. He was astonishingly beautiful. Tony came back to the bed and grabbed Gibbs hands and pulled him up off the comforter.

"Get up so we can get under the covers Jethro." Tony sounded tired and Gibbs got up, if a bit shakily, and helped him turn down the bed.

He let Tony in the bed first and then got in after him. Tony snuggled up to him and buried his face in his chest and was drifting off when Gibbs said, "Love you Tony."

"Love you Jethro." And they both fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Hope everyone was okay after that last bit of total smut.

Disclaimer: do NOT own

Reviews welcome and dare I say needed in order to improve.

#######################Chapter Three###########################

Things went on from there and in a couple of months Tony was moving in with Gibbs and both were deliriously happy. Things at work remained smooth and professional, and things at home were domestic and peaceful. Tony was happier than he ever could have imagined and Gibbs felt the same way.

After six months passed and the repeal of DADT was enacted they decided they should share their happiness with their NCIS family. Abby and Ducky acted like it was no surprise and each said in their own way that they'd known for months. McGee and Ziva seemed unfazed by the whole thing as well. It was Vance's reaction that shocked them.

"You ready to do this?" Gibbs asked.

"Yeah, let's get it over with."

They'd decided that if the Director had a problem with it or he wanted to make and issue of their status as Team leader and SFA that Gibbs would tell him to go fuck himself and retire. Tony desperately hoped that didn't happen. He couldn't stand the thought that Gibbs would have to leave NCIS because of him.

Gibbs looked at Pam the Director's admin assistant and waited as she informed Vance that they were there.

"Go on in, he's ready for you."

Gibbs reached back and grabbed Tony's hand lacing his fingers in his and strode into Vance's office confidently and closed the door behind them.

Vance sat at his desk and looked at Gibbs with that deep stare that even Gibbs found unnerving.

"Leon."

"Jethro, I assume this is something of a personal nature?" He looked pointedly at the men's hands still intertwined.

"Yes, it is. I want—we wanted you to know that we're together, and that we won't let it affect our work in any way."

"Is that so? Tell me Agent DiNozzo how did you finally get this bastard to wise up?" Vance smirked at Gibbs and Tony's jaw dropped.

Gibbs just stared at Vance with a look of interest. "How long have you known?"

"That you're together or that you two were hopelessly in love with one another?"

Gibbs blushed at that. But Tony grinned.

"Gee, I guess we weren't so good at hiding it."

"Not really, frankly I was surprised given what a gifted undercover operative you are Agent DiNozzo."

"Yeah well, you know love does crazy things to a man. And please call me Tony sir."

Vance nodded and with a sly smile replied, "Tony, you may call me Director."

Gibbs snorted at that. "Any questions or caveats Leon?"

"No, not really, I don't have to tell you that if this gets to be an issue I won't hesitate to take action. As long as we're clear on that you two can go and start that leave you requested."

Tony beamed like the sun and said, "Don't worry sir, we'll be good. Thank you sir."

Gibbs just gave Vance an appreciative nod. "Thanks Leon."

They lingered a moment until Vance chided them. "Go on get out of here, I'll see you in a week." He didn't have to tell them twice and they were out of there like a shot.

############################################################

They drove up to the Cape Cod style beach house they'd rented for a week. The house sat behind a small bunch of sea oat festooned dunes and the ocean's edge fifty yards further. It was just enough of a hill that the view was unobstructed by the dunes and the beach was private. In short it was perfect.

"It's awesome Jethro!" Tony bounced up to the front door like a puppy.

"Yeah, it's pretty great."

They opened the house and walked in, the hardwood floors gleamed in the bright sun that streamed through the back wall of windows and French doors. The water sparkled and the cadence of the waves crashing was enchanting and rendered Tony speechless.

The furniture was large cotton covered couches and a few eclectic tables. There was a large Persian rug underneath the sitting room couches, and the artwork on the walls consisted of some compelling framed black and white photos. The kitchen was open to the living area and was fully stocked with supplies and top of the line appliances. The bathroom and two bedrooms were just across the entry. Tony walked over to see what they had to offer. The largest bedroom had a large window overlooking the ocean; the large wrought iron bed was on the opposite wall facing the view. There was one dresser that was the epitome of shabby chic and a small hanging crystal and bronze chandelier. The bed was covered in a down comforter covered in a white cotton duvet and folded down to reveal the 600thread count Egyptian cotton sheets. Tony sighed with pleasure as he caressed the sheets thinking of nestling down in them after Jethro made love to him.

Tony explored the bathroom next. It was equally perfect with honed travertine floors a huge claw foot tub sat right in front of another east facing window with a great view. The towels that were hung on the warmer were pure white and fluffy. It was all anyone could want in a romantic getaway.

Gibbs enjoyed watching Tony search the house and explore its rooms with wonder and excitement. His enthusiasm was one of the things Gibbs loved about him most. He was glad he got the house right. He wanted everything to be perfect, he wanted Tony to remember this week for years to come as being like a dream come true. He fiddled with the box in his pocket as he anticipated asking Tony to marry him. It was partly why he chose to come to this state, he intended to ask Tony, make love to him and then drive into town the next day and get married. He knew Tony would want to have a big party and a ceremony for their friends but this was just for them. He was pulled from his thoughts by an exuberant Tony.

"Let's go to the beach!"

"I think we need to bring everything in first."

Tony pouted a little and said, "Alright, then let's hurry up and get it done."

They got everything brought in and put away in a little more than half an hour and Tony wasted no time stripping his clothes off and putting his bathing suit on.

"Come on Jethro I saw some boogie boards on the deck!"

Gibbs watched as Tony wrestled with the locks on the doors and flung the open. He was on the beach and headed to the water before Gibbs was all the way undressed.

They spent the day boogie boarding, looking for shells, and even building a sandcastle. It was a great day. They came in a little burnt and hungry, hung up their bathing suits and took a shower together. The thought of turning the shower into some lovemaking never occurred to them as they were both starving.

"How long are those steaks going to take?" Tony asked as he watched Gibbs grilling the steaks on the deck.

"Not too long, you got the salad done?"

"Yep, tables set, wine's breathing and the breads ready too. I am so hungry my stomach aches."

"Hold your horses Tony I know you like it rare but these things are still mooing."

Tony sighed. "Fine, guess I'll pour us some wine. Be right back."

Tony absently rubbed his abdomen and walked into the house.

Gibbs was teasing Tony a bit the steaks were almost done but he was glad for the moment alone because he wanted to prepare himself to say just the right thing. He tapped the box in his pocket as he practiced his speech in his head. He was so engrossed he almost gave it away when Tony came back out with two glasses and the wine bottle. He looked at Gibbs quizzically.

"What?"

"Nothing, you just seem weird."

"What do you mean? I'm just hungry now why don't you pour us some wine the steaks are done after all."

"Finally!" Tony cheered.

Gibbs sat the platter with the steaks on the table and sat down.

"We'll eat our salad and let these rest a bit."

Tony reached for the salad bowl when Gibbs stopped him.

"Wait, I want to give a toast." Tony shrugged and raised his glass of wine along with him.

"To finding the one person who makes you happiest, to enduring through heartache to reach joy, to loving and being loved..." He looked into Tony's eyes and finished the toast.

"To you Anthony David DiNozzo, you complete me."

Tony felt tears run down his face and he couldn't speak. He couldn't believe how blessed he was, how perfect his life was with this wonderfully flawed man.

"You have to take a drink or your toast won't work." Gibbs said gently.

Tony took a sip of the wine and he found his voice again.

"I am so happy Jethro. It's insane how happy you make me. I thank God every day for you." He got up and walked over to Gibbs and kissed him tenderly.

Now Gibbs speechless he stared at the beautiful sun kissed face of his lover and his heart ached from how good it all was.

"We better eat, I have a feeling we'll need our strength." Tony teased.

"Damn right!"

The emotional haze lifted and they ate their meal with gusto. They finished off the wine and were both sitting sated and watching the waves roll in.

"Think you're ready for desert? It's Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake."

He knew it was Tony's favorite and he picked it up from The Cheesecake Factory on the way out of town.

"I don't think I can eat another bite. I'll have some tomorrow." Tony did look uncomfortable as he rubbed his stomach.

"We can have it tomorrow night I could go for some coffee though."

Gibbs got up to make the coffee but Tony stopped him.

"You sit here Jethro; I'll clean up a bit and make the coffee. It'll help me digest my dinner."

Gibbs didn't protest because he was having to change his plan a bit. "Okay, thanks."

Tony gave him a quick kiss. "No problem, I'll be back in a minute with your slud—I mean coffee."

He gave him a wry smile in return for the teasing and Tony went in the house carrying plates with him as he went.

Gibbs hoped Tony was right and walking would help him feel less full because skipping desert was one thing but he intended to make love to his future husband all night.

_Walking… That's what we'll do take a moonlight stroll on the beach and I'll pop the question under the moon… God when did I become such a girl?_

############################################################

Tony loosened his belt to try to alleviate the uncomfortable pressure on his too full stomach. It helped but he gave up and went and changed into his loose linen pants.

"Ahhh that's better." His stomach was a little bloated and he worried all this happiness was making him fat. _Nahhh…_

He got busy made the coffee and cleaned up the kitchen while it brewed. The machine was slow as molasses so it gave him a lot of time to get things done. Finally it gurgled its last gurgle and the pot was full. He poured a large mug and took it out to Jethro.

"Here you are, sorry it took so long that machine is slow as hell."

"It's fine I just sat here and watched the waves. You feeling better?" He noticed Tony had changed into his unbleached linen pants.

"Yeah, had to change into something more comfortable." He waggled his eyebrows.

Gibbs laughed.

"I have an idea."

"Well what is it?"

"How about taking a walk with me on the beach under the stars?"

Tony smiled. "I never knew."

"Knew what?"

"That you were such a romantic."

Gibbs blushed. "Is that a bad thing?"

"No, it's a wonderful thing. Now come on let's take that walk." He pulled Gibbs up from the chair grabbed the blanket they used earlier on the beach and then walked down the deck onto the beach.

The sky was clear and stars sprinkled across it like diamond dust on velvet. The moon was beginning to rise and soon would dominate the night sky with her fecund light.

They walked hand in hand not talking just enjoying the warm night and the company of one another. Tony was beginning to feel a little better and was glad they took this walk it seemed to help. They went on that way for quite a while until the moon was almost at her zenith when Gibbs suggested they take a rest before heading back. So they spread the blanket out and sat down.

"This is so…" Tony couldn't find the words so he just leaned back into Gibbs' arms and sighed contentedly.

"Yeah it's pretty great."

The quiet lasted for a few more minutes. Then Gibbs got up and pulled Tony with him. Tony thought Gibbs was ready to leave and started to grab the corner of the blanket.

"Stay right there. Don't move." His tone was commanding but gentle.

"Okay." Tony said a question in his voice. He saw Gibbs pull something out of his pocket and then get down on one knee. Even now he had no clue what was going on. What Gibbs was about to do wasn't even in his frame of reference.

Gibbs reached out and took Tony's hand and looked at him earnestly. Before he could speak Tony finally figured out what was happening and he asked with a hint of alarm, "What are you doing?"

"Shhh… Let me do this."

Tony nodded dumbly.

"Tony you came into my life and made me believe in happiness, in joy, in love again. I had lost so much and the world was a dull and grey place where there was no happiness, or joy or love. But you gave that back to me, and have made my broken heart whole with your smile, your touch, your love. I want to spend the rest of my life basking in the light of your smile, soaking in the radiance of our love and warmed by your touch. Anthony David DiNozzo will you do me the honor of marrying me?" He showed him the elegant masculine platinum band.

Tears were falling down Tony's face and his heart was pounding with a mixture of excitement and disbelief. He never expected this much, he was sure he didn't deserve it, the words to express what he felt for this beautiful man were lost in the sea of his stunned mind. His throat felt as if he'd just swallowed a baseball. He was rendered totally mute. In the end he fell to his knees and clung on to Gibbs and kissed him and cried until he was finally able to whisper his answer.

"Yes, Jethro. Oh God yes."

They kissed for what seemed like hours and Jethro made love to Tony under the stars and the moon as the wind caressed their bodies and the sea sang to them.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Okay I just realized that this story is terribly filthy and a bit fluffy.

Disclaimer: do Not own

Reviews welcome.

####################ChapterFour###############################

"The next morning Gibbs awoke to breakfast in bed being served by a _very naked _Tony.

"What did I do to deserve this?" He asked appreciatively.

"If you don't remember I will have to refresh your memory."

Tony's voice was thick with lust and Gibbs couldn't help but notice Tony's morning wood hanging out like a signpost.

Gibbs gulped his juice down trying to hurry the breakfast along so he could go straight to desert.

"Slow down Jethro there's no rush. We won't be having sex again until you've made an honest man of me. I have to protect my reputation you know."

"What? No sex until after we're married? Then why the hell are you walking around here with a ridiculously huge hard on driving me crazy with the urge to fuck you?"

"Because it's fun." Tony eased away from the smoldering look Gibbs gave him.

"Besides Jethro we're getting married at one o'clock, that's only four hours from now."

"Fine, then sit your ass down and jack off while I eat. I want to watch you."

Gibbs' commanding tone sent a thrill down his spine and straight to his cock.

Tony sat down on the nightstand and began stroking his cock and teasing his balls with his other hand. Watching Gibbs watch him was making him crazy and his orgasm was building with each stroke and every piercing gaze.

"Oh and one more thing Tony, you can't come until _after _we're married, after all if I'm not getting any relief neither are you."

Tony stopped mid stroke he could see that Gibbs was dead serious. He quickly took his hand away from his cock.

"Did I tell you to stop?"

"No, it's just I'm really close and you said I can't come so…"

"Tony you will continue touching yourself until I tell you to stop and you better figure out a way to keep from coming."

"Who do you think I am Superman?" Tony complained but his hands were right there again on his achy cock. The truth was Tony loved it when Gibbs took control and they played these games.

Gibbs felt his own burgeoning erection begin tenting the sheets under the breakfast try as he watched Tony.

_God he is killing me… Screw this…_

"Come here." Gibbs demanded.

Tony ignored him and just kept stroking his lids heavy with the pleasure he was feeling.

That did it. Gibbs was off the bed, the breakfast tray set on the floor in seconds. He was crossed the room in a step and was giving Tony a breath stealing kiss before the younger man knew what hit him.

"Bed, NOW!"

There was no reasoning with the seething mass of sexual want and pure alpha male that was Jethro Gibbs in this mood and Tony knew it. He was on the bed in a flash.

Gibbs looked down at Tony and drank in his body with his eyes before he began his assault of kisses anew.

Tony shivered in anticipation and the look in Gibbs' eyes made him flush with his own lust.

"Gonna make you mine today Tony, forever. And right now I'm gonna make sure you know what that means."

Tony trembled as the words floated over him like a warm and seductive breeze.

Gibbs kissed him until he thought he would pass out, then he nibbled and sucked on Tony's sun sensitive skin sending him into a goo like state of bliss. Gibbs kept drawing everything out long and slow and teasing. Only occasionally did he allow their now leaking cocks to rub against one another and caused them both to moan. It felt like it went on for ages and Tony was going to go mad with the torturous pace until Gibbs said, "Get on your knees I'm gonna fuck you."

Tony groaned Gibbs knew Tony loved getting fucked from behind he knew that Tony liked the feeling of being totally owned it gave him.

"Oh, and you don't come until I do." There was no way Tony would argue when Gibbs growled at him that way, but he also knew that Gibbs had amazing stamina and staying power. He groaned at the thought of having to wait his lover out.

"Jethro…" Tony gasped when Gibbs large calloused hands gripped his hips possessively.

Tony was already loose from their lovemaking during the night so when Gibbs sunk his huge cock into his ass, it barely burned and it felt like heaven to feel him so deep inside.

"God, feels so good to have you in me Jethro."

"Feels good to be there, now hush and enjoy the ride."

Gibbs began thrusting long and powerful strokes into Tony.

Tony was so close that when Gibbs began brushing across his prostate on each pass and picking up speed so that Tony was being assaulted with continuous waves of jolting ecstasy, he ached with the need to come but he wouldn't give Gibbs the satisfaction of being unable to complete the task he'd set.

Just when Tony thought he would go insane he felt the thrusts get faster and pound into him so hard he could barely stay on his knees it was amazing but he would be sore later.

Gibbs' gripped him tightly and buried himself balls deep and came with a loud guttural moan. The heat of Gibbs' come exploding inside him was enough to set off Tony and he came in a mind blowing strength stealing orgasm that left him unable to do anything but collapse under the weight of Gibbs body on top of him and melt into a puddle of satisfaction and bliss.

They panted and caught their collective breath no words spoken for several minutes and Tony slipping into a pleased slumber.

Gibbs broke the spell and pulled himself from Tony's body as he bent to whisper in Tony's ear.

"I love you Tony."

All Tony could manage was a beautiful smile and he fell back to sleep.

Gibbs watched him sleep for a while before he too succumbed to Morpheus.

_Just a couple of hours Jethro and then you're gonna get married…_


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Sorry for accidentally making this very smutty story T. Though from here on out it's a bit tamer. I think…Though I did write it some time ago.

Disclaimer:

Reviews are desirable just like you…

#####################Chapter Five#######################

True to his word Gibbs awoke two and half hours later and shook Tony awake.

"Come on lover boy, you're gonna be late to your own wedding." Gibbs pulled the sleepy Tony to his feet.

"Mm'kay."

Tony could hear the shower already going and smell the coffee Gibbs had made upon waking. The smell normally filled with him with happiness as he associated all things coffee with Gibbs but right now he was feeling nauseous and its scent wafting up from Gibbs coffee mug was making the nausea worse.

Gibbs noticed the queasy look on Tony's face.

"You okay?"

"Yeah just a little nauseous."

"Nauseous? Why?" Gibbs' sounded concerned but Tony wouldn't let anything ruin this day so in typical Tony fashion he made a joke.

"Don't worry Jethro, this won't have to be a shot gun wedding, I promise I'm not pregnant."

Gibbs smacked Tony's ass and chuckled.

"Get in the shower DiNozzo so we aren't late."

"Yeah, yeah I'm going. Did you have to spank me so hard Jethro? Sheesh!" Tony complained as he rubbed his now pink butt cheek.

"You know you love it. Now hurry up."

Tony grinned, Gibbs was right he did love it.

"On it Boss." He tossed back over his shoulder with a smirk as he got in the shower.

Gibbs grinned at that. _Cheeky bastard…_

############################################################

When Tony came back out of the bathroom to get dressed he stopped in his tracks at the look of Gibbs in a tuxedo. The man was gorgeous. Tony was practically drooling.

"Where did you get that?"

"You like?" Gibbs asked smugly.

"Hell yes I like, and if you keep standing their looking like sex on a stick staring at me we are never going to make it to our wedding."

Gibbs liked seeing Tony flustered by the sight of him in a tux and he enjoyed taunting with a few lascivious leers of his own at Tony standing before him wearing only a towel and his skin glistening still wet from the shower. That's when he noticed how thin Tony was, and his lust became concern.

"You're too damn skinny DiNozzo. Are you eating?" He asked knowing he didn't see Tony eat that morning.

Tony rolled his eyes. "Are you seriously ruining what is a really hot moment by going all mother hen on me?"

Gibbs walked closer and ran his hand across Tony's now noticeable ribs. "Answer the question Tony." Gibbs asked quietly.

Tony shivered and goose bumps sprang up at Gibbs' touch.

"Yes Jethro I've been eating, just not as much. Haven't had much of an appetite and I seem to fill up faster, but other than that nothing's changed. Now can you please let me get dressed so I can marry my sexy fiancé?"

"In a minute, why haven't you had an appetite?"

"Because I'm in love you idiot. Duhhh"

Gibbs gave him an investigatory stare and nodded. "Okay, but if this keeps up your seeing Ducky."

Tony sighed. "Fine whatever, now can I please try to find something to wear that doesn't make me look like a loser next to you in that tux?"

Gibbs grinned and reached into the nearby closet and pulled a garment bag out. "You mean something like this?"

"You—Oh my God Jethro it's perfect."

There was another beautiful tux inside the bag matching the one Gibbs was wearing. He took it out with care and laid it on the chair as he began dressing. Tony was dressed in minutes his enthusiasm to put the suit on fueling him.

"Glad you like it but we need to hurry and get married so I can return the monkey suits." Gibbs teased.

For a second Tony believed it but his keen eye told him Gibbs was joking.

"Hahahaha! There is no way these are rentals they fit like gloves." Tony's eyes narrowed. "Where did you get these? They fit perfectly and must have cost a fortune."

"I had a little help from your tailor."

Tony felt a rush of love for Gibbs.

"I can't believe it." Tony whispered.

"Believe what?"

"That you would do this—all of _this _for me." Tony started to tear up.

"Hey. Of course I would, I love you, stupid."

"Dammit Jethro you have turned me into such a—a _girl_! I have never cried as much as I have since I've been with you, it's just _wrong!_"

Gibbs chuckled. "No you are all man Tony. Now get your hunky manly ass in the car we have to go."

"Did you just call me _hunky_?"

"Yep, move it DiNozzo." Tony gave him a big smooch for that and headed out the door.

They rushed out to the car and soon were on their way. Tony was holding Gibbs' hand just watching the scenery until a thought occurred to him.

"What am I going to call myself?"

"My husband."

"No that's not what I mean; I'm talking about my name?"

Gibbs wondered if this was going to come up and he had some ideas on the matter.

"You can stay DiNozzo if you want."

"I'm not sure I do."

"Well, DiNozzo-Gibbs is quite a mouthful. And I am not changing my name this late in the game."

"What about Gibbs?" Tony asked.

"You could do that, but I imagine it could be weird for you at work."

"Good point."

They rode quietly for a few moments before Tony spoke again.

"I know what to do. I will change it to DiNozzo-Gibbs for legal reasons but still go by DiNozzo at work. How does that sound?"

"Sounds good Mr. DiNozzo-Gibbs." Gibbs beamed it was the outcome he'd hoped for.

"Oh No!" Tony exclaimed.

"What's wrong?"

"I just realized I don't have a ring for you!"

"Yes you do." Gibbs smiled.

"What? You didn't."

"Look in the glove box."

Tony opened the glove box and found a ring case identical to the one Jethro had in his pocket. He lifted the lid and admired the matching platinum band in the sunlight.

"They really are beautiful Jethro. Thank you." Tony sounded a bit sad.

"Hey what's up?"

"It's just that you did everything and it's wonderful but I kind of wanted to do some of these things for myself."

Gibbs gave him a gentle smile before he said, "I know you do, that's why my ring isn't engraved yet, and when we have our real wedding with all our friends you are in charge of everything."

Tony was flabbergasted. Jethro Gibbs was the perfect man and thought of everything.

"You'd do that for me?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"But you _hate _parties."

"This is one party I will love." He gave Tony's thigh a squeeze.

It was almost too much; Tony was perilously close to losing it when they pulled in to a small congregational chapel. It was a cozy little church and it was perfect.

"Ready?" Gibbs asked.

Tony turned and looked at him and love beamed out of his eyes and poured from his soul at Gibbs.

"So ready it hurts."

"Good, let's go get married."

They walked up the flower lined path into the tiny church. It was at least a hundred years old and had that church smell of parchment and age. It was cool and dark despite the sunlight beaming through the stained glass but when their eyes adjusted Tony could see the priest waiting for them and what appeared to be another couple waiting their turn to be married.

"Jethro and I presume this is Tony." The priest shook Gibbs hand and then took Tony's hand and smiled.

"Yep. Tony meet Bob, he's an old buddy from my unit who got into the God business after the Corps."

"Bob, it's a pleasure to meet you." Tony gave his hand a firm shake.

"You too Tony. Any man who can get this tough bastard to fall so completely has got to be quite a guy."

Tony blushed furiously and couldn't speak.

"Bob, I'm ready when you are." Gibbs urged.

The priest laughed. "Same old Jethro impatient as always, come up to the altar then we can sign the documents after the ceremony."

They made their way up the plush crimson carpet to the altar past the other couple Tony paid them no heed his stomach was fluttering in anticipation he only wished Abby could be here to see this.

They stood shoulder to shoulder in front of the priest and altar.

"Now before we get started I believe we need some witnesses and perhaps some Best friends."

Tony looked at Bob quizzically. "What do you mean?"

"He means us Tony." Abby whispered into his ear.

"Abby? You're here!" He turned and grabbed her up in a fierce embrace.

Tony was ecstatic now his perfect day really was perfect.

"Ducky's here too Tony." Abby managed to squeeze out before Tony let go.

He turned and saw Ducky standing beside Gibbs with a delighted smile on his face he was soon hugging Ducky with abandon too.

"Thank you guys so much, you don't know what this means to me to have you here."

"Certainly we do Anthony, because it means the world to us to be here. Now we should hurry and get you married before Jethro loses the last of his composure dear boy."

Bob laughed. "Knows you pretty well don't he."

"Yeah, yeah, you two can make fun of Jethro later I want to get married." Tony said impatiently.

"Well alright then let's do just that."


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Yet another chapter

Reviews are necessary.

######################Chapter Six#############################

The ceremony was short and sweet with just the right vows and the putting on of the rings went off without a hitch. They signed the paperwork and were pronounced Husband and Husband. It was sheer heaven. They left the small church and Jethro informed him that they would be having dinner with Bob and their friends and hinted that there could be dancing involved.

"You're kidding right?"

Nope."

"You are actually going to dance with me…In public?"

"Yep."

"Am I in a coma?"

Gibbs laughed. "Not unless I am too."

"So this is all real?"

"As far as I know."

"It's just so… unbelievably wonderful." Tony's voice was full of disbelief.

"Yeah it is."

"I can't figure out what I did to deserve so much, what did I do that merited me having you?"

"You were born."

"That's it? It's that simple for you?"

"Sure is."

"So this is what? Destiny? Fate?"

"Something like that. Whatever cosmic force decided to bless me with you I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. I intend to enjoy every minute no questions asked."

"You are infuriatingly wise sometimes."

Gibbs snorted. "I wouldn't say that. But I have learned a few lessons about thankfulness."

Tony mulled that over for a few minutes and then responded.

"You're right. Instead of questioning this and waiting for the other shoe to drop I'm just going to be thankful and love every second of every minute of every day I have to spend with you.

############################################################

They came home and Gibbs even carried Tony over the threshold, after which Tony insisted that he do the same and carried Gibbs over the threshold. It was a time of so much happiness the days flew by and the next thing they knew they'd been together a year.

Gibbs woke Tony with a kiss waiting until the last possible moment to wake his spouse because the younger man looked exhausted. Things at work had been insane and neither one of them had had much sleep.

"Go 'way." Tony groaned.

"No, your boss is a total bastard you can't afford to be late."

Tony opened one eye and replied, "I wouldn't say _total_ bastard."

"Really? Maybe he's getting soft in his old age."

"Doesn't feel like it." Tony grinned as his hand found its way to Gibbs' morning wood.

Gibbs let out a tiny moan. "Stop Tony, there's no time. Now get up so I can watch you eat."

Tony grumbled with irritation. "So not enough time for sex, but enough time to stand over me while I eat?"

"You got it."

Tony stomped around the room flinging drawers open and banging them shut and ending with a slam of the bathroom door.

Gibbs waited for a minute before he walked in the bathroom.

"Tony."

"What?"

"I want you to talk to Ducky today."

"What? No there's nothing wrong Jethro. I just don't feel hungry."

"Are you happy?" Gibbs asked with hesitance.

Tony flung the shower curtain open and looked at Gibbs like he was crazy.

"Are you nuts? I'm happier than I have ever been in my life! Why in the hell would you ask me that?"

"Because loss of appetite is a symptom of depression!"

Suddenly Tony saw the worry and concern on Gibbs face for what it was.

"Oh Jethro, don't worry. I'm fine I feel great and I'm so happy it should be illegal." He bent his head down and kissed Gibbs' forehead and gave him a hug.

"Will you at least talk to Ducky for me?"

Tony sighed. "Okay I'll talk to him today. Does that make you feel better?"

Gibbs smiled. "Sure does. Finish your shower I gotta change my clothes now."

"Sorry." His face said he was nothing of the sort.

"Yeah right. Now hurry up and I promise to make missing morning sex up to you tonight." And he closed the shower curtain.

"Damn right you will!" Tony called from behind the curtain.

############################################################

The day was busy but the case was unfortunately an obvious suicide and they were finished within a reasonable hour with a little time to spare. Tony was fiddling around at his desk avoiding Gibbs' eyes and putting off going to speak to Ducky. Gibbs had enough of it and a short time later and took matters into his own hands.

"DiNozzo!"

"Yes Boss."

"You go see Ducky yet?"

"Not yet."

"You got three minutes to take your ass down there or there will be hell to pay. Have I made myself clear?"

"Crystal."

"Good." Gibbs returned to whatever he was working on and didn't look back at Tony as he gave an exasperated sigh and went to the elevator.

_This is ridiculous! I suppose this could be an unforeseen downside to having your husband be your boss… There's nothing wrong with me._

Tony had a nagging sensation that he wasn't being entirely honest as he caught himself rubbing at the full feeling he had in his stomach.

He walked in to autopsy to find Ducky alone and no customers out on the tables. It was obvious that Ducky was expecting him when he saw him standing beside one of the tables with his medical bag on it and his stethoscope hung around his neck.

"Ahhh Anthony, I believe you and I have some business to conduct."

"I see Gibbs has been running off at the mouth." He muttered.

"Yes, Jethro informed me of his concerns and I must say dear boy he's right you are looking too thin."

"It's nothing a few cheeseburgers won't fix."

"Indeed, if only you would eat them. Why don't you tell me about your appetite and I will check you out. It will make me and your husband feel much better."

"Fine let's get it over with." He hopped up on the cold steel table with ease and waited for the exam to begin.

"You know Ducky I think you should requisition a live people gurney since one of us always seems to be down here needing your help."

"A capitol idea, I shall have Mr. Palmer look into it. In the meantime let's take your blood pressure."

Ducky took Tony's blood pressure, listened to his heart and lungs, checked his ears and even took a blood sample. Then he asked Tony to describe any symptoms he was having.

"Nothing, just haven't been very hungry. It's no big deal."

"On the contrary it can be quite a big deal. How long have you had this lack of appetite?"

"Off and on for about six months."

"So it comes and goes?"

"Yeah, see no big deal."

"Any nausea?"

"Not really."

"As in yes?"

"Okay a few times I was nauseous, that's it. I didn't throw up or anything, it was just a bug or something I ate."

"I see. It's possible that's all it is as you say. How many times would you say that this happened?"

"Three times, maybe four but it wasn't bad Ducky just annoying really."

Ducky searched Tony's face for the truth before moving on.

"Lie down on the table Tony and let me take a look at your abdomen."

Ducky palpated Tony's abdomen and did that thumpy thing that Tony hated. When he reached the right side Tony held his breath. He didn't want Ducky to see him wince when he pushed and prodded that side. Fortunately he wasn't all that sore today so it didn't turn out to be a problem."

"Hmmm, seems everything is in order but I'm going to order some test at Bethesda to make sure."

"No."

"Anthony, you seem to think this is up for discussion. As the medical officer for this institution I am _ordering _you to have these tests done. Do you understand?"

Ducky's voice was steel and Tony knew better than to argue when he used that tone.

"I understand. But, you have to promise not to tell Jethro."

"I'm not sure I can do that not only is he your boss but he is your spouse and my dear friend. I don't think it would be right to hide such information from him in any of these capacities."

"There's no information yet Ducky. I just don't want him to worry. If there's something to tell I promise I will tell him. Please."

Ducky thought for a moment and said, "Alright Anthony but be sure that if there is a problem, I will tell him whether you do or not."

"Got it."

"Good I'm glad we are clear on things. Now I will email you your appointment times after I call Bethesda. I think I can work a little magic and get you something sooner rather than later."

"Thanks, I guess."

Ducky chuckled. "You are most welcome, run along before Jethro comes searching for you."

Ducky sighed with concern over Tony and Gibbs.

_God help Jethro if there's something wrong with the boy. I don't think he'd survive._


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: This is a very long chapter but I couldn't find a way to make it stop sooner. Also, there will be a major character death as forewarned. But I hope you'll stick around.

Disclaimer: I do NOT own

Please review. Con-crit welcomed.

#####################Chapter Seven##########################

Tony made up some excuse for leaving the Navy Yard that he felt Gibbs believed. He should have known better.

He sat in the waiting room of Bethesda's radiology department hoping his name would be called soon; it was growing closer to his two hour deadline by the minute. If he were late Gibbs would yell at him and then want to know where he'd been.

"Come on people hurry up."

"In a hurry DiNozzo?" A familiar voice said behind him.

_Oh shit. He said DiNozzo…I am so screwed._

"Jethro, what are you doing here?"

Gibbs' eyes narrowed and the anger was palpable around him.

"I came here to find out what the hell is going on."

"It's nothing just an ultrasound. Ducky didn't find anything he's just being careful."

"Ducky doesn't order unnecessary tests Tony." His face went from anger to something akin to fear.

Tony saw the concern in Gibbs' face and it tore at his heart.

"Jethro, I promise it will be fine. You can go in with me and see."

Tony was taking a gamble that he was right and nothing was wrong so that he could make up for not telling his partner about the tests.

"Why didn't you tell me Tony?" The anger and confusion were back.

"We're married; you're supposed to tell me these things. You don't get to hide when you're sick anymore. You shouldn't lie to me."

_Man did I screw this up._

"I didn't lie to you, not really. But you're right I should have told you. It's just that it kills me to see you worry about me and I knew if I told you it would make you crazy until the tests proved I'm fine. I was trying to avoid all that angst for both of us."

"Okay, I'll give you one pass but swear to me you won't do it again."

"I swear I won't. Do you wanna use our pinkies?"

Gibbs smiled and stuck his pinky out. "Sure. Pinky swear."

Tony hooked his pinky around Gibbs' and said, "I pinky swear I won't keep you in the dark about my health again."

It was a sweet moment but it held a sense of foreboding for Tony, he was starting to feel a little nervous.

"Anthony DiNozzo-Gibbs?" A young woman called.

Tony blushed that they used his married name. "Must be because of the insurance."

Gibbs chuckled at Tony's discomfort but couldn't help but feel a tiny swell of pride at hearing Tony be called by their shared name.

They walked over to the tech.

"Hi my name's Megan and I'll be doing your ultrasound today; and then the radiologist will read the results. Why don't you follow me back?" She looked at Gibbs assuming he was the patient.

Tony held out his hand to her.

"I'm Anthony, but you can call me Tony." He gave her his megawatt smile guaranteed to melt your heart.

Tony flirted like it was an Olympic sport it didn't matter who it was, or what their gender, so it didn't bother Gibbs much anymore. At least that's what he told himself.

"We'll both be coming in, Megan." Gibbs said authoritatively.

"Uhhh Okay, there's not a lot of room."

"That's fine Megan; you might as well give in because he won't." Tony assured her as he followed behind her.

Megan was right it was a tiny room.

"Okay Tony I'm going to leave so you can put this gown on. You can leave your underwear on. Be sure to have the opening in front."

"I hate these things."

"I think you look good in anything with easy access." Gibbs gave him a wolfish look.

"Jethro, stop looking at me that way you're giving me a hard on."

"What's a matter afraid _Megan _will be scared of your erection?"

Before Tony could respond Megan knocked.

"Come in."

"All dressed? Good now lie down on the table for me Tony."

Tony complied and she covered his legs with a sheet.

"Okay I'm going to put some gel on you it's very slippery and it helps conduct the sound waves. It will be warmed, you're lucky some of the rooms don't have gel warmers."

Tony jumped a little at the feeling of the warmed gel. From what he could see Aquasonic was just a fancy name for lube. His eyes met Gibbs' with a glint of mischief.

Gibbs smirked back.

"Now you're going to feel some pressure. It may be uncomfortable."

Tony almost lost it and had to fight the urge to snicker like a thirteen year old. That quickly went away as soon as Megan began trying to enter his stomach like a reverse of the scene in Alien.

"Ugh." He grunted.

"Does that hurt?"

"It's just a little uncomfortable."

Gibbs looked at him knowing Tony was downplaying the pain.

"I'm sorry Tony but I have to push kind of hard so we get a good image, though it really shouldn't hurt."

"It doesn't, just a lot of pressure. I wasn't expecting it that's all."

"Okay well I'll warn you next time."

"That works."

She rolled the sensor around Tony's abdomen and clicked picture after picture. Ten minutes later she spoke.

"Alright now Tony I'm going to pressing very hard again to make sure I get a clearer picture of your gallbladder. It may be unpleasant."

She pressed down with all her might it seemed and angled the head of the device in different directions trying to get the best image. It hurt like hell.

"You okay?" Gibbs asked as he saw Tony pale and gritted his teeth.

"I'm fine Jethro. She's right it's a lot of pressure."

Gibbs knew better but he let it go.

"And that's it we're done." She smiled and wiped the gel off of him with a small towel it was another moment perfect for adolescent humor but Tony was working too hard to hide how much pain he was in.

"Wait here, I believe the radiologist is here and wants to see your results."

_Okay that doesn't sound good. I've never had a radiologist look at anything while I waited._

Gibbs was thinking the same thing as Tony but kept his expression neutral.

"So you think there's such thing as a home lube warmer?" Tony asked dreamily.

Gibbs snorted. "You could always invent it if they don't."

"I bet I could make a fortune!"

They quit joking when Megan returned with the radiologist in tow.

"Tony this is Dr. Matthews, our radiology attending."

_They sent the freaking attending! _Tony's gut was churning for a different reason now.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Tony and you must be Jethro." He shook both their hands.

"You must be a friend of Ducky's." Upon hearing the doctor use Gibbs name Tony was relieved it was just a little cronyism going on and nothing else.

"Yes Ducky spoke to me yesterday and asked that I take a look. He seems to think that if you are given any leeway you will bolt, or ignore symptoms until someone is forced to hospitalize you."

"He's right." Gibbs said.

"Well I have some good news and some not so good news."

"What's the good news?" Tony asked.

"I didn't see anything on your ultrasound." Tony held his breath waiting for the bad news before he would relax.

"And the bad news?" Gibbs' tone was neutral.

"Megan informed me that you were experiencing an inordinate amount of discomfort during the exam. And Ducky noticed tenderness when he looked at you the other day."

"So?"

"So that isn't normal. I'm afraid you're going to have to have some more tests done."

Tony didn't know how to feel about it and Gibbs was with him so he couldn't put the tests off and Dr. Matthews had a direct line to Ducky he was stuck.

"What kind of tests?"

"I'd like to give you a CT to start with and we'll go from there."

"Okay, we'll call and schedule. Thanks Doc it was nice meeting you." Tony began to get up and get dressed.

"I'm afraid you misunderstood me Tony. I meant you were going to CT now."

"What? Why?"

"Well you are in luck I happen to have an opening in CT right now and I really want to make sure there's nothing else going on before I let you go home."

_Let me go home? Wait a minute…_

"What do you mean _let _me go home? You sound like you are admitting me? In which case you can forget it."

"I haven't ruled out the possibility of admitting you, but it really depends on the CT results."

"What the hell? I want to leave _now _Jethro." Tony was pissed.

"Dr. Matthews will you excuse us for a minute?" Gibbs said.

"Certainly, I'll be back in a few minutes."

"It won't take long." Gibbs assured him.

"Alright."

Matthews left and Tony said, "I don't want to hear it Jethro. This is bullshit. He just said that he didn't see anything. I am not hanging around here all day to have unnecessary tests; I have more important things I can be doing."

"No, you don't."

"What do you mean? I've got at least a week's worth of paperwork to do, not to mention the monthly reports."

"I gave those to McGee."

"Why the hell did you do that?"

"Because I knew you'd do this!" Gibbs was pissed too apparently.

The two men glared at each other for a minute in silence. Gibbs spoke first.

"You are having that CT Tony even if I have to knock you out to do it!"

"Why are you acting like this?" Tony shouted.

"Because I love you, moron."

"No it's not just that, you know something don't you?" Tony was suddenly in investigative mode.

"I don't know anything I just have to make sure you're all right."

Was that fear he saw on Gibbs face? His anger began to dissipate, how could he be mad at someone caring about him so much, how could he _not_ have the test if it would make his partner feel better.

"I'm an ass."

"Yeah, but you're my ass."

"I'll have the CT and whatever else Dr. Matthews and Ducky have cooked up for me."

"Even if it means being admitted?"

"Even if it means being admitted." Tony agreed reluctantly.

Gibbs sighed in relief. "Thank you Tony, I know you hate this but I need you to be okay."

He walked over and kissed Tony sweetly.

"I bet if you stick your head out the Doc will be standing right there." Tony joked.

"Yeah I bet you're right. Hang on."

Gibbs opened the door to find not only Dr. Matthews but Ducky as well.

Gibbs laughed. "Why am I not surprised?"

"David called and said that Anthony was being difficult so I thought I would come and lend a hand."

"I handled it Duck, but I'm glad you're here, got some questions for you."

"So he's agreed to cooperate?"

Tony walked out. "Yes he agreed. Now can we get this CT over with so I can go home… I hope."

"Come with me Tony, it's just down the hall." They followed behind and came upon a small waiting area of four chairs outside the double doors marked CT SCAN.

"We'll wait out here." Ducky said. "Don't worry it won't take long."

They sat down to wait.

"You said you had questions Jethro?" Ducky queried.

"Yeah, when they were doing the ultrasound I could tell Tony was hurting bad enough he was clenching his fists and he started sweating. I don't think that's a good sign. I need to know what it means."

"Jethro pain is often an indicator of a problem but sometimes it is something altogether minor or even of an idiopathic origin."

"Idiopathic means unknown right?"

"Very good Jethro."

"Okay, you've tried to make me feel better now tell me what you really think."

"You're right I do have some concerns, but I don't feel comfortable discussing them with so little information."

"Dammit Ducky I looked his symptoms up on the web."

"What did you conclude from your search?"

"They mostly said pancreatic cancer." Gibbs felt like he was going to puke.

"Oh Jethro, you shouldn't make such leaps."

"I can't help it… I have a bad feeling."

"Yes, well perhaps you should avoid the internet until we know for sure what is going on with Anthony."

"Yeah you're probably right."

"I'm glad you agree. Now let us wait and see what Dr. Matthews has to say before we jump to any conclusions."

They sat the rest of the time in an anxious silence. After forty-five minutes Dr.

Matthews and Tony exited the CT suite.

"How'd it go?" Gibbs asked.

"Fine, just loud and boring really."

"Yes, Tony did great. Now if you'd like to wait here I will go and review the films. Would you care to join me Ducky?"

Ducky looked at Jethro and Tony for permission and they agreed.

"Yes thank you David I would appreciate that."

The two older men went back into the CT suite to review Tony's results.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, just tired, I'm ready to get out of here."

"Me too."

They stood in awkward silence for a moment.

"Thank you for doing this." Gibbs whispered.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean getting these tests. I know you didn't want to. I know how much you hate hospitals."

Tony looked at his husband's concerned face and smiled.

"You're welcome Jethro."

The moment was sweet and made Tony feel connected and appreciated by Gibbs. It went a long way towards mitigating the discomfort of the tests and the hospital.

Just as Tony stepped closer to Jethro in the hopes of stealing a kiss, the doors opened back up and Ducky and Dr. Matthews reappeared.

They were smiling in a cautious way. It could have meant anything and Gibbs was less than patient about waiting for them to speak.

"Well?"

"Well, my dear Jethro, why don't we sit down so we can talk about the results of the CT scan?"

Tony suddenly felt as if he were about to puke. Ducky saw him pale.

"Anthony, dear boy, you mustn't jump to conclusions. Now, I shall let Dr. Matthews discuss the results with you."

Dr. Matthews smiled genuinely and began by saying, "Well we're back to the good news, bad news thing. Which do you want first?"

"Bad news." Tony said without hesitation.

"I see, well the bad news is you seem to have some thickening of the bile in your gall bladder this can be an indication of subsequent gall stones which usually require the removal of the gall bladder."

"The good news?"

"Anthony it is easily treatable. We can either use medication or surgery." Ducky reassured.

Gibbs turned to Matthews. "Which do you think is better?"

"It is unusual for a young man to have these gall bladder issues. It's usually women and people who have lost significant amounts of weight that have these issues. So I think Tony would be better off if we try treating with Ursodiol, and see if it helps. If that doesn't clear things up then we will have to look at removing his gall bladder."

"Also Anthony you are going to have to cut down on your fat intake."

"What? As in no more pizza or burgers?"

"Certainly less of those dear boy."

Tony looked like Ducky had just clubbed a baby seal.

"Are you sure?" His voice was pleading.

"Yes, Tony we're sure. It's easily manageable with the medication and changes to your diet."

"But I don't want to manage it."

Gibbs gave Tony a glare before responding to the doctors. "We'll do whatever you think is best Doc."

Tony grumbled to himself.

"Good, Ducky can help you with the details but I'm afraid I have to go, I have another patient." He stood and shook Tony and Gibbs hand and gave Ducky a brief hug.

"It was nice to meet you both and wonderful to see you again Ducky."

"Thank you Dr. Matthews."

"Yeah, thanks Doc."

"Yes, David you are a true friend, I shall call you for that game of chess you promised me."

The radiologist smiled and waved as he hurried off to his next patient.

"Well, that is certainly good news."

Gibbs smiled and pulled Tony to him for a hug. "Sure is Duck."

"I guess it's good considering."

Gibbs and Ducky looked at Tony quizzically.

Tony sighed, "Do you really think I wouldn't search my own symptoms on the internet Jethro? I also saw your searches. I am very relieved that I don't have… anything more serious."

They all ignored the unspoken word that hung between them like a bell waiting to be rung.

"Yeah me too Tony, me too."

"There are a few more blood tests I'd like to do before you go Anthony."

Tony closed his eyes trying to gain some composure before speaking.

"N0, Ducky, you already took a ton of blood; I just want to go home and enjoy the rest of the day."

"What about work DiNozzo?"

"Boss, it's after five now, my head is pounding and my gut feels like they ran the bulls through there. I really need to go home."

Gibbs looked at his lover and thought a moment. He would give in, because Tony needed him to, and because he couldn't stand the thought of Tony being miserable and in pain at the office.

"Yeah, think I'll join you. Let me call Vance." Gibbs sighed.

"No Jethro as your physician I will call the Director and let him know that you are to both be on medical leave until I clear you."

"Thanks Ducky!" Tony beamed at the ME.'

"My pleasure, and indeed my job dear boy, but I need to get another blood test then you will be free to go as you and Jethro see fit." Ducky smiled craftily.

"I knew it was too easy."

"Come on Tony let's get this over with and then we can get out of here."

"Fine, let's go."

They walked down to the lab and had Tony's blood drawn in a manner of minutes.

"Alright can we go now?"

"Certainly, I will tell the Director that you will be out until Monday."

"Thanks Duck."

"Yeah thanks Duck. Let's get out of here before he changes his mind." Tony teased and pulled Gibbs along with him.

By the time they got back to the car Tony was quiet and subdued.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing just tired."

"Pain?"

"Not too bad, just sore."

"We'll get some lunch and take a nap."

"Nap?" Tony waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Nap Tony." Gibbs said firmly.

"Aww you're no fun."

"Keep it up and it'll be awhile until you have any fun." Gibbs growled.

The authoritative tone sent shivers down Tony's spine.

"Shutting up now."

"That's what I thought."

As they pulled up to the house Tony had fallen asleep. Gibbs sat watching Tony as he slept and marveled at how lucky he was. He thanked a God he really didn't believe in that there wasn't anything more wrong with the man he loved.

"Hey, come on let's get you in to bed."

"Mmmm."

"Tony, let's go."

"'Kay."

He pulled Tony up out of the car and into the house.

"Couch?" Tony asked.

"Nope, bed."

"I like how you think." His words were teasing but his tone was pure fatigue.

"Come on lover boy."

They trudged up the stairs and into their bedroom, Tony collapsed on the bed.

"Hey take your clothes off."

"I thought you weren't interested."

"I'm always interested, but you're too tired. So get your clothes off."

"I love it when you talk dirty."

Gibbs pulled Tony back to a sitting position and helped him pull his t-shirt off and began unbuttoning Tony's fly. Suddenly Tony wasn't feeling too tired.

"Mmmm yeah, don't think I'm tired after all."

"Tony you are taking a nap then we are eating something. After that we can pursue other… activities."

Gibbs pushed Tony back on the bed and yanked his jeans off leaving him in his boxers, then turned down the comforter.

"Get in."

Tony sighed, "You're really going to leave me hanging?"

"Nope." Gibbs stripped down to his boxers and climbed into bed.

Tony turned and snuggled up to his husband.

"Love you Jethro."

"Love you too. Now go to sleep."


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: A new chapter

I do not own

####################Chapter Eight##############################

The Ursodiol seemed to help and Tony was almost back to normal. He just couldn't seem to shake his fatigue, and though he was eating more he wasn't gaining any weight.

Tony rolled over and took the rare opportunity to watch his husband sleep in the early morning light. The case they had been working on non-stop for a week was finally solved and after a brief bit of lovemaking they both fell asleep and slept hard. That was ten hours ago and Jethro was still asleep, and Tony was indulging in drinking in the peaceful face of the man he loved.

"Take a picture it'll last longer…"

One gorgeous blue eye peeked at him. Tony couldn't help but laugh.

"Good idea." He reached around to his nightstand and pulled his cell phone off the charger.

"Pretend you're still asleep."

Jethro sighed and closed his eye again, secretly loving the fact Tony was taking his picture.

A brief sound effect click and a quick kiss on his cheek and he opened his eye again.

"You done?"

"Yep, well with that picture anyway." With that Tony whipped the sheet off of Jethro and began taking pictures of his naked ass laughing the whole time as Jethro tried to squirm away.

In a moment Jethro had him pinned. "You think that's funny do you?"

Tony looked at him mischievously. "Yep."

Jethro returned an equally devious grin. "Well this is funny to me." And he began tickling Tony mercilessly.

Tony was giggling hard and trying to maneuver away from those powerful fingers when a laugh turned into a cough.

Jethro stopped. "What's wrong? Do you need your inhaler?"

Tony gave an annoyed smirk. "Geez, Jethro it was just a little cough. Quit being such a worry wart."

Jethro looked at him suspiciously for a second and nodded. "Good because I wasn't finished." The tickling began again in earnest until it turned into caresses. All of Jethro's concern was worked out in the loving of Tony with his hands, his mouth, his whole being.

As they lay in each other's arms basking in the glow of their lovemaking Tony said, "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For caring about me."

"Well, I am your husband."

"Yeah, I know, it's just nice to have someone worry about me."

"Again, not someone, your husband."

"Okay I get it. Geez you're a possessive bastard."

"Yep."

Then there was the sound of distant thunder, and both men looked at the source of the sound and burst out laughing.

"Maybe we should eat?"

"Ya think DiNozzo?"

The weather was cold and rainy, so they spent the rest of the weekend off just puttering around the house. It was cozy and simple and exactly what they needed before they returned to work on Monday. The only problem was Tony having to hide his annoying cough from Jethro while in such close quarters. It was hard but he managed. At least he thought he did. Monday morning he soon learned just how hard it was to hide anything from his husband, though he should have known better.

Jethro stood next to him in the elevator as it climbed to their floor, Tony could feel anger coming off him in waves. He wasn't shocked when the elevator stopped and Jethro turned to him.

"You want to explain to me why you are hiding that cough?"

"No." Tony deadpanned. Now he was getting angry.

"Why the hell not?" Jethro was a little surprised by the response.

"Because, it's nothing and I'm tired of you freaking out _every_ time I have the sniffles!"

Tony was breathing shallowly and quickly his ire raising his pulse and blood pressure.

"Well gee DiNozzo I wonder why I have to?"

"Oh no you don't. You don't get to call me DiNozzo like that. Like you're just my boss."

"Fine, DiNozzo-_ Gibbs, _why do you think I do? Hmmm? You know damn well if I just trusted you with your health you'd be in the hospital every other month!"

Tony grew silent. When he spoke again his voice was cold "So I'm just an irresponsible burden? Maybe we should take a break from each other for a couple of days?"

Jethro felt like he'd been punched in the gut, but his stupid pride wouldn't allow him to show anything but anger.

"Maybe we should." He reached over and flipped the switch and the elevator started up again.

Just before the doors opened Tony said, "I'll be staying with a friend tonight." And he stepped out and went straight to his desk without a word to anyone.

"Morning Ziva, Tony, Gibbs—" McGee said as he walked in carrying coffee for everyone.

The tension in the air was palpable and when McGee looked at Ziva quizzically she shrugged and gave him a warning look. Deciding he was better off not asking Tim dropped each coffee off silently and went straight to work finishing his report.

Fortunately or rather unfortunately if you were the victim Gibbs phone rang an hour later and before he could say, "We gotta dead… whatever", they were all standing with their backpacks and heading to the elevator.

The elevator ride was uncomfortably quiet and McGee was glad when Gibbs broke the tension by barking, "McGee call Ducky and tell him to meet us at the scene. And tell him to bring his hip waders."

_Damn that means we're going to get wet._

"On it Boss."

They all headed to the truck but Gibbs turned toward the Chargers and said, "No, Ziva and Tim take the truck, DiNo—Tony you're with me."

Tony wasn't pleased but he got into the sedan without protest.

The weather was just as nasty as their collective moods and Jethro was worried about having Tony out in this weather, but he knew better than to say anything about it because he knew that as stubborn a bastard he was his husband was just as mule headed.

They pulled up to the scene in the park around the Jefferson memorial the local LEOs were already there cordoning off the area. This close to downtown and the mall usually made for a huge audience but the weather chased off even the most curious lookie-loos.

The area where the body of a Navy petty officer first class lay was close to the water and the freezing rain that had been falling for days made the whole area a miserable muddy mess. They trudged down moments before Ducky arrived and began processing the scene while Gibbs talked to the cops.

"What have we got Ducky?" Gibbs said as he made his way down to the ME and the body.

"Well as of yet I can't see any obvious trauma, I can tell you after factoring the weather and the ambient temperature he's been dead around five hours. But there is something odd."

"What?"

"It appears he's been exsanguinated."

"I thought you said there was no trauma?"

"No, I said there were no obvious signs of trauma, I won't be able to determine the method of exsanguination until I get him back to the Yard."

"You think he was killed somewhere else?"

"Yes, as there is no appreciable blood to be found."

"Alright, Palmer go ahead and help Ducky get the body back. McGee, and Ziva help him."

"McGee went to the truck I'll help." Tony said. Jethro just nodded and returned to coordinating the witness statements with Metro PD.

The mud made even walking arduous and wrangling a body laden gurney was a Herculean feat. They just about got the gurney up the bank when Tony's foot slipped and he fell hitting his head on the metal frame as he went down and ending up in the frigid water.

It took all of Ziva, Ducky, and Palmer's strength to keep the gurney from tumbling after him.

"Jethro!" Ducky cried as Tony hit the water.

Gibbs turned and looked with horror immediately ascertaining what had happened and flung himself down the embankment and into the water to pull Tony out.

"Tony! Come on breathe for me, dammit." Jethro yanked him up on to the bank as the Metro cops took the gurney so Ducky could help.

"He's not breathing Ducky!"

"Calm down Jethro!" Ducky said sternly.

He began assessing the situation. The gash on Tony's head was bleeding slowly and the skin around it was turning purple and swelling it was looking like Tony had yet another concussion. Ducky turned Tony over into the recovery position just as he gasped and began coughing and puking up the water he swallowed. Tony's lips were a familiar blue and he began shivering violently. Someone had the sense to call an ambulance and the sirens were approaching.

"Thank God." Ziva whispered.

Tony's teeth were chattering and one of the Metro cops had handed a thermal blanket to Ducky to wrap around him.

"W-what h-hap-pned?" Tony asked in miserable confusion.

"You took a spill dear boy."

Just then the EMTs arrived with their rescue basket. They picked Tony up and lay him in it, strapped him in and began running up to the ambulance. When they arrived Tony began getting agitated.

"Jethro? Where's Jethro?"

"I'm right here Tony." He replied softly as he got into the ambulance.

"Sir, please stay back so we can work." One of the EMTs said.

"Jethro?" Tony began turning his head to avoid the oxygen mask the medics were trying to place on his face.

"Shhh Tony be still, let them help you. I'm here."

Gibbs placed his hand on Tony's arm to soothe him when the paramedic moved out of the way. He hissed at how cold his arm was. Nearly as cold as the fear he felt in the pit of his stomach as the scene of Tony hitting his head and then the gelid water played over and over in his head.

Tony calmed down considerably with Jethro's touch and they arrived at Bethesda in minutes.

Gibbs jumped out of the way and ran ahead of the gurney as they entered the hospital; his knees trembled in trepidation as they blocked his access to the curtained bays behind the automatic doors. What seemed like hours later a nurse came out and brought him forms to fill out.

"Leroy Jethro Gibbs?"

"DiNozzo-Gibbs, he's my spouse."

She smiled at him indulgently. "Yes of course. Now Mr. DiNozzo-Gibbs I need these insurance forms filled out as well as his medical history and the HIPAA acknowledgement."

"I can do the insurance ones but he has a file here already, and a pulmonologist, Dr. Pitt."

"Thank you I will be sure to pull his record, and contact Dr. Pitt for you. I need to know what happened today and have you fill that part of the history out that explains it. Without it insurance may not cover this visit."

"No problem, but I'll go ahead and call Brad myself so he can get here."

His hands trembling he picked up his cell phone and called Brad. As the phone began ringing Ducky walked up.

"Hey Duck, could you tell her what happened? I'm calling Brad."

"Certainly, Jethro." The older man replied and pulled the nurse over to the nearby desk to tell her.

"_Dr. Pitt"_

"_Brad?"_

"_Jethro? What's wrong? What'd he do now?" Brad asked, the concern evident in his voice._

"_He hit his head and then fell in the Potomac Basin."_

"_Shit."_

"_Yeah."_

"_You at Bethesda?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_Okay, Jethro I'm on my way. Be there in ten. I'll call the ER and let them know."_

"_Thanks, Brad." Gibbs voice cracked._

"_Hang in there Jethro; we'll get him through this."_

"_Okay. Bye, see you when you get here." _

_Click._

Gibbs stood staring at the blank wall in front of him spacing out, until Ducky's hand squeezed his shoulder.

"Jethro, come and sit down and wait for Bradley. Timothy has hot coffee for you."

Gibbs allowed himself to be led to the chairs nearest the ER doors.

Someone handed him coffee and it vaguely registered as McGee. He sat being reminded from time to time to drink his coffee. Slowly the room and sounds around him came into focus and his fear and shock faded and his anger came rushing in.

"God dammit! Why does this crap keep happening?" He slammed his fist down on the arm of the chair and stood and began pacing like a caged tiger.

Ducky watched his friend and let him pace a bit before stepping in.

"Jethro? Anthony will be fine, I'm sure. The lad is very hardy."

Gibbs turned and said coldly, "You don't know that Duck, you've seen how much weight he's lost and the cough he already had. Not to mention this is his something like tenth concussion!"

Ducky's kind eyes just stared at his friend with compassion and waited for him to speak again.

"Oh God, I can't take this." Gibbs face paled and Ducky steered him back to the chair.

"Ahh here's Bradley now."

Gibbs tried to stand up and go over to the physician but Ducky pushed him back down.

"No dear boy, I shall speak with him you sit here and I will fill you in." Ducky nodded to McGee to sit on one side and Ziva on the other, of the distraught man.

"Tony will be fine Gibbs, I am certain." Ziva said.

"Yeah Boss, he wasn't in the water very long. I'm sure he'll just have a headache and they'll let him go tonight." McGee assured.

Gibbs tuned out their platitudes, and held on to his hope.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Hang in there with me folks.

I do NOT own

Read and review please

##################Chapter Nine#########################

"What the hell Ducky?"

"Yes, my sentiments exactly Bradley."

"Come on and let's see what we're up against." Brad walked in to the ER and held the door for the older physician.

There were several people working on Tony, trying to warm him up and to keep him from leaving his bed.

"Sir, if you don't calm down we will have to restrain you."

"Jethro?"

Brad and Ducky rushed over.

"Anthony?"

"Ducky?"

"Yes, dear boy. You must calm down so that we may assess you. Jethro is fine, aside from being scared to bits for you. Do him a favor and let us help. Hmmm?"

" 'Kay." Tony squinted and slowly turned his head trying to avoid the inevitable wave of nausea to see who was next to Ducky.

"Brad?"

"Yeah, Tony it's me. You know you really ought to just call me when you want to hang out." Brad jibed.

Tony snickered and grimaced.

"Oww don't make me laugh."

The nurse that was standing by approached. "Dr. Pitt, Dr. Mallard."

"Hi Amanda, who has his case?"

"Amanda my dear we must quit meeting like this, and it's Ducky my dear girl." Ducky quipped.

She smiled and replied, "I agree Dr—Ducky. His ER doctor is Dr. Cosgrove."

"Bill? Good, where'd he go?" Brad exhaled with relief.

"He had a trauma come in. I told him you were coming and that Dr. Mallard was already here."

"Okay, so catch us up to speed."

"Well, Mr. DiNozzo–Gibbs has a grade three concussion with an LOC at the scene followed by agitation here in the ER. He was mildly hypothermic and we have been warming him slowly, we have chest films but they aren't conclusive so we're waiting on CT of his head and his lungs, given his history."

"Great, can we go ahead and look at the films?"

"Sure, they're over here on this light box."

Ducky and Brad walked over and stared at the head and chest x-rays for a few minutes.

"Hmm, no fracture of the skull and looks like no bleed, no infiltrates in the lungs but what are these in his lower right lobe?" Ducky pondered.

"Good question." Brad said with apprehension.

"Could it be scar tissue?" Ducky asked hopefully fearing what he was looking at.

"It's possible, but I'd have to look at his past films to know for sure."

"Perhaps we should wait for the CT before we start worrying about that." Ducky replied.

"Yeah, think I'm going to roll him down to CT myself. Would you mind coming with to keep him calm?"

"Of course, but let me let Jethro and the others know what's going on."

"That works, I'll let Amanda know what we're doing."

Ducky nodded and walked out to the waiting room. Gibbs, Ziva and McGee simultaneously jumped up.

"Ducky?" Gibbs asked anxiously.

"Anthony is doing well considering. He has a serious concussion, and hypothermia."

Gibbs looked at his friend searchingly.

"What are you not telling me Ducky?"

Ducky sighed and squeezed Gibbs' shoulder and took him aside.

"Ahh Jethro, ever the investigator."

"Quit stalling Duck." Gibbs' voice was cold and commanding. Ducky knew better than to ignore that tone.

"Well, we are taking Anthony to have a CT."

"Of his head?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"And his lungs…"

"What the hell?"

"Before you jump to conclusions, it's just a precaution, the x-rays are not very clear."

Gibbs knew his friend was being less than completely honest but he let it slide for the moment.

"Take me to him."

"Jethro."

"Now Ducky." Gibbs growled.

"Fine, I suppose there's no point in trying to get you to listen to reason. Timothy and Ziva please wait here."

The two men walked back through the double doors to find Brad waiting by Tony's ER bed.

"Why am I not surprised?" Brad deadpanned.

Gibbs ignored him and walked over to the bed and grabbed Tony's hand. Tony stirred and opened his eyes.

"Jethro?"

"I'm here. Just rest."

" 'Kay. Love you."

Gibbs breath caught in his throat. "Love you too, Tony." His gut was in knots he knew something was wrong, had known for months and now there was no denying it, whatever it was it promised to be bad.

Brad pulled Ducky over to the other side of the cubicle. He was holding Tony's tome like medical record.

"Is he going to be alright?"

"Jethro? Don't worry I'll keep him under control."

Brad looked at him skeptically. "If you say so. Come on let's get this show on the road."

############################################################

The trip to CT was quiet and tense. When they arrived the tech was expecting them, and had the contrast ready for Tony's IV. Brad pulled Ducky into the control room and told the tech to give Gibbs a full apron knowing Gibbs wouldn't leave.

"Listen Ducky, I was looking at his record and I ordered the disc of the last CT's done. I noticed Matthews did an abdominal series a while back. Why?"

Ducky's stomach was in his throat, he had already made the leap Brad was about to.

"Yes, we were ruling out gallstones."

"Really? Hmmm, it says here that he had an ultrasound that was clear but caused him a lot of pain, which is why the CT was ordered, and he's lost twenty pounds in the past year and a half." Brad suddenly felt ill.

Ducky sighed. "Yes, Bradley, I too am concerned. Perhaps we should add the abdominal series as well."

"Ya think?" Brad said ruefully. "Let's get this over with, and pray we're wrong about what it is we're not saying."

Ducky nodded unable to speak and tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

_Dear God this will kill Jethro._

They began the scan with Tony's head, putting off the worst for last.

"Head looks okay, some mild swelling. We'll keep an eye on him a couple of days."

Then came the lungs. And there the lesions were. There was no denying that's what they were now.

"Shit."

"Yes, indeed. Shit."

Brad changed the settings for the abdominal series and they held their breaths.

"Oh Damn."

"How could I have missed this?" Ducky whispered.

The screen filled slowly with the image they were so hoping was not there. Unfortunately, it was a vain hope because there were several masses and the lymph nodes were enlarged and lit up throughout Tony's abdomen, mainly around his liver and pancreas.

Ducky's knees buckled and he fell into the chair in front of the display screen, and began to quietly weep.

#########################################################

Neither doctor could face their friends the way they were feeling. They had to regain some composure. While they pulled it together Tony began to stir.

Tony began to cough and move around.

The tech looked in at the two men in the booth and asked if he could bring the patient out. They nodded without making eye contact.

"Okay Mr. DiNozzo-Gibbs let's get you out of here."

"Tony, call him Tony." Gibbs said.

"Alright Tony. You okay?"

Tony groaned as he coughed again. "Damn lungs, must have got water in them."

The cough was ratcheting up his headache to new and more unpleasant heights. "God that hurts."

The tech and Gibbs helped him back on the gurney.

"Can't you get him something for his head?" Gibbs asked with irritation.

"Hang on I'll ask the Doc." The young man returned to the control room to ask giving Jethro and Tony a moment alone.

"Hey."

"Hey yourself."

"You alright?"

"Me? You're the one getting the CT,"

"Yeah but you look like hell."

"Thanks."

"No problem, glad I could help."

Gibbs gave his best half grin, trying to redirect Tony's attention.

"So?"

"So what?" Gibbs hedged.

"What aren't you telling me?"

"You know what I know."

"Then why do you look so freaked out?"

"Well probably because you're in the hospital _and_ I love you. Idiot."

"Yeah, sure that's it."

Before Gibbs could respond, Brad and Ducky came out of the small control room.

"I hear someone wants something for a headache?" Brad teased, trying to sound normal.

Ducky however was failing miserably.

Gibbs' heart sank.

Tony quickly realized what was going on.

"Just tell me Duck." He said with strength no one else in the room seemed to possess.

"Oh Anthony, I am so sorry." Ducky couldn't go on and Gibbs was getting pissed.

Brad stepped up. "Ah hell. Tony you have lesions on your lung and several masses and enlarged lymph nodes in your abdomen."

Gibbs turned white and fell back into the wall his legs refusing to hold him up.

"Jethro?" Ducky said.

"Someone help him dammit!" Tony yelled wincing as the pain in his head spiked.

Gibbs was breathing heavily and spots were floating in front of his eyes. Ducky ran over.

"Jethro, slow down your breathing."

After a few moments Gibbs was calmer and he shrugged Ducky's hand off his arm in anger. "I'm fine! Worry about Tony. Can't you see his head is killing him?"

_Killing him… Oh my God…_

Gibbs bit his cheek and pulled himself together.

"Hey Tony, I've got something coming for your head and then we'll head back to the ER and wait while we get you admitted." Brad said. He exchanged a look of concern for Gibbs with Ducky.

"Yeah, fine." Tony suddenly felt very weary. "Just make sure Jethro is okay."

Brad went and got the chair from the computer room, and rolled it over next to Tony's gurney.

"Here sit down Jethro." Ducky said.

Gibbs sat down and grabbed Tony's hand.

Tony smiled at him. "You okay?"

"Don't worry about me."

"Sorry, can't do that. I love you."

Gibbs felt a lump in his throat. "Love you too…so much."

The tech arrived with the meds and gave them to Brad.

"Here Doc."

Brad took it woodenly and walked over to his two friends. "Hey Tony the good stuff is here."

Tony sighed and started to decline the drugs but Gibbs gave him a glare that told him the foolishness of doing such a thing.

"Okay."

After the meds were in and taking the edge off Tony asked, "So what are we looking at here?"

"We have to do some biopsies first to know for sure."

"Come on Brad I'm not stupid, what do you think it is?"

Brad found he couldn't speak and Ducky walked over to the other side of the gurney and took Tony's hand.

"Anthony, my dear boy I am so sorry but I fear it looks like pancreatic cancer."

Tony laughed. "Yeah that's what I thought."

"So how long have I got?" Tony asked ignoring Gibbs' pacing.

"I'm not an oncologist." Brad said.

"That long hey."

No one would look at him.

Tony sighed. "Can we get the hell out of this room? I'm freezing."

"Yeah, let's get out of here." Brad said and nodded at the tech who was waiting as unobtrusively as possible beside the door.

"Duck, can you take care of Jethro for me?" Tony asked as he passed by.

"Of course, Anthony, come along Jethro." Ducky pulled his angry and slightly dazed friend with him following after Tony's gurney.

###########################################################

By the time they returned to the ER Tony was a little loopy and starting to fall asleep from the pain meds and Gibbs had regained some of his composure.

"Ducky send Ziva and McGee home for me would ya?"

"What shall I say?"

"Tell them they're admitting Tony for observation. We don't know anything for sure right now anyway. I will call Vance and have Balboa's team take over the case. And I expect them in the office in the morning."

Ducky sighed and went back out to the waiting room.

McGee was pacing and Ziva was sitting like a spider waiting in her web.

They rushed to meet Ducky.

"What's going on Ducky?"

"Anthony will be staying for now. They want to run some more tests and keep an eye on his concussion and his lungs."

"Tests? What tests Ducky?"

"Bradley wants to do some tests on his lungs to see what's going on with them. And I imagine they will send Anthony home in a day or two barring no new developments."

It wasn't a lie and it wasn't the complete truth but there wasn't any point speculating when they would have more definitive answers soon.

Ziva was thoughtful and McGee had a disingenuous look but neither challenged Ducky.

"Thanks Duck. Uhh can we see him?"

"Now is not a good time Timothy they've just given him pain medication and he isn't even in a room yet. I imagine you can visit Anthony tomorrow. But call first to make sure he is up for visitors."

"Okay Ducky we will. "

"Jethro also wants me to tell you that he is having Vance tell Balboa to take over the investigation but to tell you to be in the office first thing."

"We will Ducky. Please give Tony and Gibbs our love."

It was just then that the sound of clomping boots and jingling chains came up behind them.

"Ducky, Timmy, Ziva! Where's Gibbs? Is Tony okay? What's going on? What happened? Because I was really scared, Palmer said Tony almost drowned and probably had a concussion and maybe hypothermia. That scared the crap out of me. I have to know that my Tony boy is okay!"

"Abigail please calm down. Anthony is in no immediate danger. He has a concussion and is a bit hypothermic. Bradley will order a few tests and have Anthony stay here a few days for observation. "

Abby sensed that there was something hinky going on but the exhaustion in Ducky's face kept her from forcing the issue.

"Can I see him? Can I see Gibbs?"

"Not right now Abigail. They don't even have a room for him yet. And Jethro is not in a good mood I daresay, so I would avoid him right now."

Abby's shoulders slumped but something like desperation was in Ducky's eyes and she couldn't make things worse for the older man.

"Okay Ducky. I'll call tomorrow. Give them my love." She hugged Ducky fiercely and then repeated with the same intensity hugging Ziva and McGee.

"Let us leave so we may return tomorrow." Ziva said.

"Yes, that is what Jethro requests you to do."

The three disappointed and sad young people shook their heads in agreement and left.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Emotional chapter hope it's not OOC but I think once Gibbs commits himself to someone he's all in. Besides he would never show these feelings to anyone but Ducky and Tony. At least that's my take on it.

Disclaimer: I do NOT own

Read and review pleeeeeeeeeeze. I am lonely.

###################################################

Gibbs paced the hallway outside of Tony's ER room waiting for Ducky. Ducky finally returned looking exhausted and careworn. The men shared a look that said everything they couldn't articulate. Ducky reached out and pulled Gibbs in for a hug. Gibbs tried to refuse but Ducky would have nothing of it.

"Oh Jethro."

"Dammit Ducky." Gibbs choked out into his dear friends shoulder.

Ducky just held his friend tightly until he felt silent shuddering sobs gently shaking him. The tears ended nearly as quickly as they came and Gibbs pulled away, wiping his tears away and regaining his stoic composure.

"What am I going to do?"

"You will soldier on like the Marine you are Jethro."

The silence fell again as Gibbs accepted what amounted to Ducky's order and sucked it up.

"So what's next?"

"Well, I think we find the best oncologist for this cancer and kick its ass."

"Sounds like a plan."

##################################################

Unbeknownst to the two older men in the hall Tony heard every word and shed his own silent tears for the pain he was causing them. He determined to fight his hardest no matter what it cost him. He had to try to live for Jethro.

##################################################

In the doctor's lounge near the ER Brad Pitt was experiencing his own grief for his friend but dealt with it by whipping out his phone and making calls to anyone he could think of to find Tony the best Oncologist possible. Brad would do whatever he could to hopefully give Tony more time and if nothing else make his last days easier.

#################################################

Tim and Ziva were quiet for several minutes as they headed back to the Navy Yard. Finally Ziva spoke.

"He has lost a lot of weight McGee."

Tim had been thinking the same thing. Putting that eveidence with the way everyone had been acting added up to one conclusion; and it wasn't good.

"I know Ziva." His sadly resigned answer said volumes, but Ziva pressed for more.

"What does it mean Tim?" She used his first name showing just how worried she was.

Tim sighed. "I'm not sure Ziva."

Ziva became angry at his evasion.

"Do not lie to me McGee! I know you have some idea about what is wrong with Tony! You are the one with the biomedical engineering degree!"

Tim sighed once again and decided it was better to just share his concerns rather than endure the wrath of an angry Ziva.

"I think he has—cancer."

There he'd said it the word was spoken and the truth came into full existence.

Ziva gasped. Despite her own fears and suppositions hearing Tim speak it aloud shocked her.

"Oh God." The words a grief stricken prayer.

"Yeah, Oh God." Tim whispered.

The rest of the ride was filled with a heavy reverential silence.

###################################################

Ducky had had enough the day taking its toll on him.

"Jethro, I know you won't listen but you really must try and eat and get some sleep."

"Yeah, okay." Gibbs said distractedly.

Ducky sighed. "Well, you may be an ironman my friend but I am not. I shall see you in the morning." He turned and walked away his shoulders slumped in exhaustion and sadness.

Gibbs watched him go suddenly acutely aware of Ducky's mortality. He shuddered at the thought.

_I can't think about that now or I will lose it._

He pulled himself together and walked back towards Tony's room. He stopped in the doorway and stared at Tony for a long time, memorizing every line and curve of his body. Tony was his heart, and now his heart was broken. He struggled between the urge to put his fist through the wall and the desire to fall on his knees and scream.

_Get it together Gunny you don't have the luxury to fall apart!_

"Why don't you quit staring at me and get over here." A quiet voice said.

Gibbs lifted his head and met Tony's emerald green eyes with his. Everything they were feeling exchanged in that single look.

"Yeah, okay." Gibbs walked over and sat in the plastic chair next to the bed.

"How's your headache?"

"Better."

"You need anything?"

"Just you." Tony smiled sweetly.

Gibbs felt his throat tighten. _God I love him so much…_

"Yeah, well I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

Tony grinned. "Not even for coffee?"

"Well, maybe for coffee…"

Gibbs tried his best to smile but it fell flat.

Tony's gave him a searching look. "Come here and hold me Jethro."

_Oh God I can't, I can't…_

Gibbs pretended he didn't hear Tony and looked at the door. "Where the hell is that doctor? I thought they were admitting you."

"Jethro, come here." Tony demanded.

Gibbs turned back to Tony but refused to look at him his eyes glued to the floor. "I am here." He croaked.

"Leroy Jethro Gibbs-DiNozzo get your ass over here and hold your husband, who is scared shitless right now and needs his big strong Marine to help him keep it together."

The anger wasn't faked but Gibbs knew Tony was doing it for him.

Gibbs straightened his spine and got up out of the chair and closed the gap between the bed and chair with one step. Soon his arms were around Tony and then the battle against Gibbs tears was lost.

"Shhh it will be okay." Tony didn't cry he just held Gibbs and soothed his broken hearted husband.

Gibbs pulled Tony as close as was humanly possible.

"The hell it will…." He murmured.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Another chapter

Disclaimer: I do NOT own

Read and review: I am kind of feeling adrift with this story I haven't gotten much feedback. That may be due to the rating, or the subject, or my crappy writing, or all of the above.

###################################################

After Tony was in the hospital a few days Brad came to his room with a new doctor.

"Hey Tony."

"Hey Brad."

"Where's Gibbs?"

"Coffee."

Tony looked with a mixture of curiosity and irritation at the other doctor. He was about Tony's age, and ruggedly handsome. His thick wavy hair was a little long and he had electric green eyes. He had movie star looks.

"Tony I'd like you to meet Dr. Cavanaugh, he's an expert on your type of cancer and I think he could really help."

"Hello Tony."

"Doctor." Tony's uncharacteristically cool response puzzled Brad but Dr. Cavanaugh seemed unfazed.

Dr. Cavanaugh walked over to Tony and sat down in the chair next to his bed. He looked Tony in the eye and said, "I am so sorry this is happening to you. It sucks. And we all know you are kind of screwed here. The fact is this cancer will kill you, it's just a matter of when not if."

Gibbs with his preternatural timing walked in just as Cavanaugh began speaking and heard every word.

"You son of a bitch! How dare you come in here and say that to him!"

Gibbs dropped his coffee and jerked Cavanaugh out of the chair by his collar and pulled his fist back to punch the doctor right in his pretty face.

"Jethro let him go. Now, please." Gibbs stopped and stared at Cavanaugh threateningly for a moment before he let him go.

Cavanaugh to his credit remained surprisingly unruffled by the attack.

"You must be Agent Gibbs. Brad's told me a lot about you. I certainly see the second B thing. However, if you're finished lashing out at me I'd like to continue my discussion with Tony." He turned his back on Gibbs and sat back down. Gibbs was about to knock his block off just for doing that but a cold look from Tony stopped him.

"Now Tony I'm sorry if I seem harsh or discouraging, but I believe in telling the truth and respecting my patients by being honest with them."

"Yeah, thanks Doc. It's just hard for him to hear. But I get it, and I do appreciate it. So how long do I have?"

Gibbs leaned against the wall, his arms crossed and still fuming but this question brought him back down to earth.

"Well, that depends on what you want to do Tony."

Tony looked at Brad and Gibbs before swallowing and saying, "What if I don't want to do anything?"

"In that case you will be dead in a matter of months and it will be painful."

"Okay, what's behind door number two?"

"There are several options. Some more radical than others and if they work, they will prolong your life."

"Radical?"

"Yes. Normally when someone with pancreatic cancer this advanced we would only be looking at palliative care or maybe some chemo to slow it down a bit. But there has been new evidence that a pancreatectomy and resection, that's removing the diseased pancreas as well as any other tumors we find, is beneficial. If the surgery doesn't have complications, the time left goes up significantly."

"Okay, say I do that, does that mean no chemo?"

"No, it doesn't. I would recommend at least one course of chemo, and possibly radiation to shrink the tumors prior to resection."

"All of that sounds pretty bad. Won't they make me sicker?"

"Yes they will, but if we have a good result we could extend your life up to five years at best."

"At worst?" Gibbs asked.

"At worst… would mean nothing worked to slow down the cancer and he dies in a few months anyway, or the surgery goes wrong and kills him, or the chemo's side effects may kill him."

"Jesus…"

"Yeah, Jesus." Tony said.

Gibbs looked at Brad. "What do you think?"

"I think it's between you and Tony. I brought Scott here because he's the best, and one of the only oncologists willing to do the surgery on stage IV pancreatic cancer patients."

Gibbs turned to look at Tony to try and see what he was really feeling. Tony gave Gibbs a small sad smile and said, "Let's do it."

Gibbs heart soared for a moment, but then he thought about all the risk and the pain Tony would suffer and he felt ashamed at his selfishness. Tony could see the struggle going on within his husband and asked, "Would you guys mind giving us a minute?"

"Not at all, it was nice to meet you. Brad has my number, call me when you decide but don't wait too long or there may be no options left." Cavanaugh turned to walk out giving Gibbs a nod as he exited the room.

"Why don't you guys talk about it, and I can come back later." Brad said.

"Yeah, that would be good Brad. Thanks."

"Yeah thanks Pitt." Gibbs growled.

"Okay then I'll see you guys in an hour or so, I still have some rounds to do." With that he left the room.

###################################################

Gibbs and Tony just stared at each other blankly for a moment and then Gibbs walked over to the hospital bed and held Tony's hand in his.

"Listen, you don't have to do this for me." Gibbs voice broke.

Tony squeezed his hand and smiled. "Yes I do."

"But I don't want you to suffer." Gibbs whispered.

"Jethro either way I will suffer, at least this way it's on my terms… and I'm going out with a fight."

Gibbs nodded and held onto Tony's hand tighter. Fighting the simultaneous desire to freak out in a rage and the urge to break down and sob.

###################################################


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: I have so much of this already written but I changed the way I was writing it so these transitions have been hard. So please forgive my tardiness. This is a short chapter.

I do NOT own

Review please.

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Tony and Gibbs sat in the waiting room for Tony's last round of radiation. The younger man felt like crap, his stomach hurt and he was tired as hell but he was alive and fighting. It would be another week and then they would look at his CT and schedule the resection and pancreatectomy. He was scared, but there was something liberating in knowing you were dying. The knowledge gave Tony the courage to do all the things he hated and feared the most, like hospitals and surgery.

"Tony, it's your turn." Gibbs shook him from his reverie. The radiology tech waited nearby.

Tony struggled to his feet the fatigue sucking him back down into the chair.

"Come on let me help you." Gibbs said.

Tony pulled his arm away in frustration. "No, I can do it."

This time he made it to his feet and only swayed a little. He gave a smirky smile and followed after the tech on his wobbly legs.

Watching Tony's defiance and smug satisfaction gave Gibbs a sense of pride mixed in with his ever present and growing grief. There were days lately, he didn't know how the hell he was hanging on. But then Tony, despite all of his pain and the knowledge of what he was facing, would just be…Tony, and Gibbs would have to give himself a mental head slap for being so weak.

###################################################

Tony was so tired but he would be damned if he would give in. Radiation sucked and surgery would suck but he still had chemo to go and he knew that would be the hardest battle so what was a little fatigue when he knew things were only going to get worse?

_Suck it up DiNozzo!_

The tech helped him up on the table for his final radiation treatment and Tony promptly fell asleep.

###################################################

As Tony slept through his treatment Jethro sat and pondered the course their lives had taken he became acutely aware that he would lose the second love of his life. It occurred to him that he wasn't sure he could survive that. He felt tears sting his eyes and his throat constrict as his grief threatened to overwhelm him. He stood up and strode across the room to the nurse's station.

"Hey, Nancy how much longer does he have?"

The older woman looked up and smiled at Jethro. "He has about ten minutes to go. So you have time to run and get a coffee but not a good one."

Gibbs chuckled. "Thanks, if he gets done before I get back—"

"Yes, yes, I know. Now get." She shooed him away.

Gibbs turned on his heel and nearly ran into McGee.

"McGee what are you doing here?"

"Hey Boss. Lunch break thought I'd come and check in."

"Any problems?"

"No…no everything's fine Vance has us on cold cases until you get back. I just wanted to see how Tony was doing."

Gibbs felt a sudden surge of anger. It was all he could do to hold it back. Just as he was about to bite McGee's head off he was nearly knocked off his feet by Abby, who came barreling in for a hug.

"Gibbs, Gibbs we miss you guys. How's Tony? Is there anything you need?"

_I need this not to be happening…I need my husband not to be dying…_

He felt the anger rise once again and stepped away from Abby lest she be in its path should it escape his tightly held control.

"I was headed out for coffee…"

"Ahhh Jethro I anticipated you may require a caffeine infusion so I took the liberty of stopping by the Starbuck's." Ducky gave Gibbs a knowing look as he passed the high octane brew to his friend.

"Thanks Duck." His words held more meaning than for the coffee. Ducky always seemed to know just when Gibbs needed him to pull him back from the edge.

Ziva arrived a moment later.

"Why the hell are you all here?"

Abby sighed and said, "It's Tony's last radiation treatment duhhhh."

Gibbs didn't quite understand why they came but he found himself warmed by their presence and grateful they were there.

Before they could sit down the tech came out without Tony and whispered to Nancy. By the concerned look on her face and the way she hurried out it was obvious something was wrong.

Gibbs gave a strangled "Duck…", before he too was hurrying back to the room where Tony was. Ducky gave each of the others a look and followed after.

There was a moment of total silence before McGee slumped down into a chair with a shuddering sigh. Abby sat next to him and laid her head on Tim's shoulder and Ziva sat on the other and grabbed his hand.

"He will be alright McGee. Of this I'm certain."

No one not even Ziva believed her words and they rang hollow.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Still slogging away. I have the ending it's just this bit that's really giving me a hard time. Anyway I hope to push through and get er done.

I do NOT own

Please feel free to comment

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"What the hell is going on?" Gibbs hollered to Nancy as he rounded the corner to the radiation therapy suite.

"Now settle down. Tony is just having trouble waking up probably due to low red blood cells caused by his treatment."

Gibbs calmed a bit the doctor had explained this could happen.

"So where is he?"

" I was just coming to tell you that; we're taking Tony upstairs to admit him so we can get transfuse him and watch his counts."

Gibbs looked at Ducky.

"Yes, Jethro that sounds prudent."

" What room?"

"I don't know yet but as soon as I do I will come and get you. Okay?"

Gibbs nodded and walked away without another word.

Ducky apologized for Gibbs' abrupt manner. "Do forgive him, this is extremely difficult."

Nancy smiled at the older man. "I know, and it's okay really. I'll just be more careful to keep him updated."

"That would be advantageous to us all my dear. Thank you."

"You are quite welcome Dr. Mallard. Now go have a seat and I will see where we are with Tony."

"Yes, I think I will."

###################################################

Gibbs walked up to the team taking in the way they were clinging to one another. It felt like a punch in the gut. This was hurting them all, he had to remember that while Tony was his he wasn't the only person who loved Tony and needed him.

"Boss?" McGee asked.

"Tony's cell counts have probably dropped too low as a result of the radiation, so they're are going to admit him run some tests and give him a transfusion."

Abby stood up and gently wrapped her arms around Gibbs. "It will be alright Gibbs."

Gibbs felt his throat constrict and he couldn't respond he just held on to Abby and squeezed her tight like she was a life line keeping him from plummeting into the abyss of his grief. He felt another pair of tiny feminine arms encircle him and McGee's hand on his shoulder. They all stood as one organism fighting off their tears.

It was over nearly as quickly as it started and the team was left with a few moments of embarrassed silence. They were saved by Nancy.

"Jethro? You can see Tony in a moment but Dr. Cavanaugh would like to speak to you first."

##################################################

Tony began emerging from the suffocating fatigue after an hour or so of fluids and a transfusion. He looked bleary eyed around the room and saw Jethro there.

"Hey." Gibbs said.

"Hey, guess I'm in the hospital…again."

"Great investigative skills DiNozzo."

"That's DiNozzo-Gibbs mister and don't you forget it."

Gibbs smiled a pained smiled and took Tony's hand in his. "I won't… I couldn't."

"Good. So what are you not telling me?"

"Nothing."

"Don't lie to me Jethro."

"They want to hold off on the surgery."

"Oh. What does that mean?"

"How the hell should I know?" Gibbs said in frustration.

Tony found himself quite frustrated as well and it showed in his response.

"Oh geez I don't know, _maybe_ because you're my husband and I was a little unconscious at the time."

Gibbs winced at that. He was being an ass. "Yeah, you're right. It's just I think it's better if we wait for Ducky and Dr. Cavanaugh to explain it. I'm no good at this stuff."

Tony seethed inwardly, but kept his cool. "Fine Jethro we'll wait for them, but I am telling you now to get your head out of your ass and start pulling your weight in this thing. I'm scared too, hell I am terrified, but I don't get the luxury of pretending this isn't happening and dammit, as my husband, you don't either."

Tony's calm tone made the statement all the more powerful, and Gibbs felt like he'd been sucker punched. He couldn't deny what Tony was saying and he knew it.

_He's right… Jesus. That's exactly what I've been doing. I need to know this stuff… to understand it. It's the least I can do..._

Gibbs scooted up his chair so he could look Tony in the eyes. Then he lightly brushed Tony's hair away and kissed Tony on the forehead.

"You're right, I'm sorry."

Tony just nodded, he was still aggravated but he was satisfied that Gibbs would get it together.

Tony yawned. "How long till they get here? I don't think I can stay awake much longer."

"Hang on, I'll be right back."

Gibbs walked out quickly out of the room.

Tony was grateful for the respite from the grief and confusion of the conversation. He only hoped he would still be awake when Gibbs returned.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Here's another chapter.

Don't own

Read and review please.

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Gibbs walked out into the hall outside Tony's room to find Dr. Cavanaugh, Brad Pitt and Ducky conversing in low voices. It filled him with dread.

"Tony wants to talk to you."

Brad responded first. "What'd you tell him?"

"Just that you wanted to postpone the surgery."

"I see."

"Look I am no good at this stuff, and before any of you start I already got reamed out by Tony. I will get this down but could you just help me out here?"

"Of course Jethro; I know this is difficult and that you are not a doctor but Tony is right you must learn all you can so that you and he will be prepared."

"Prepared? How the hell do you prepare for this Duck?" Gibbs anger and frustration was evident.

Cavanaugh stepped in at that point. "Look, I am an oncologist I have a pretty good idea what this process is like for my patients and their families. There are two ways people tend to deal with this situation avoidance and the "knowledge is power" approach. I find the people who decide to learn all they can have a better sense of control and are occupied with the process so that they look to have a handle on the overwhelming nature of the thing. Obviously, it won't change the grief and anger but it seems to help and they are better informed, which can help the person who is ill feel less alone in the midst of all the chaos."

Gibbs took it all in and just nodded.

"Well, shall we go see Anthony now?"

"Yeah we need to get in there he's pretty beat."

###################################################

The four men walked into Tony's room just as he was beginning to drift off.

"Hey Tony, how you feeling?" Brad said.

Through some unspoken agreement Brad became the spokesperson for the group.

"Well Brad to be honest like crap."

"Yeah, I figured that. So let's talk turkey okay?"

"I would appreciate that Brad; I'm tired of all the evasion and pussyfooting around." Tony looked pointedly at Gibbs.

"After looking at your labs your red and white blood cell counts are dangerously low. The transfusions will help your RBC's come up and we're going to give you a Neulasta shot to bring up your white blood cell counts."

"I hear a but in there."

"Because of this we're going to have to postpone your surgery, and we have discovered your radiation wasn't as successful as we'd hoped."

"What do you mean? Today was the last day how could you tell anything?"

"The tumors haven't shrunken as much as we'd like." Dr. Cavanaugh responded.

"How much did they shrink?" Tony looked at Ducky.

"Very little I'm afraid."

"At least they shrank." Tony said.

The three medical men looked at one another but before they could answer Gibbs said, "Not at all really."

"Now wait, there's more to it than that Tony." Brad interjected.

Tony snorted. "Not sure I can take any more good news Brad."

"What Brad is trying to say Anthony is that while the tumors are not quite shrinking they are not growing." Ducky tried to reassure.

Tony looked straight at Cavanaugh. "Do me a favor and only you talk. I can't handle hearing this from them."

"Sure Tony. Here's the situation, your tumors did not respond to the radiation as we'd hoped and now your body is having serious side effects from the treatment, enough so that we must postpone surgery for a few days. The problem with postponing is the aggressive nature of this cancer and the added risk of hospital borne infection. You have a few options here. One we wait, keep you in the hospital and do the surgery ASAP. Two is we get you healthier and then go on to the chemo, three is you do nothing."

Tony looked at Gibbs who was pale and tense.

"Why would I do nothing after already going through this? I mean what good would it have been to even do this radiation? So three is out, DiNozzo-Gibbs don't quit." Tony could see Gibbs was visibly relieved by this statement.

"Look, this is not the outcome we'd hoped for but at least we stalled some of the growth." Brad said.

Tony pointedly ignored Brad's optimism.

"Dr. Cavanaugh what do you recommend?"

"I really want to do the surgery, but you have to be much healthier before we do it because it is a difficult procedure. And the bad thing about that is how aggressive this cancer is, time is a definite factor."

There was a tense silence before Tony finally said, "Guess I'll just have to get better quick then Doc."

Cavanaugh looked Tony in the eye with respect and confidence and said, "Okay, so I guess we have a plan. Tony will get his counts up and then we'll do the surgery."

The three medics took that as their cue to leave.

"Get over here and hold me before I fall asleep Jethro." Tony said tiredly.

Gibbs walked over slowly fighting his frustration and fear. There was no way he'd let Tony see him lose it. Tony needed his strength right now and all Gibbs wanted was to drink and throw things. By the time he crossed the six feet to Tony's side, his husband was almost out.

"Come on Marine give us a hug." Tony whispered.

Gibbs bent down and pulled an already thinner Tony into his embrace and fought with everything he had not to scream.

"Love you Tone…" Gibbs managed to force past the baseball lodged in his throat.

"Love you too Jethro." Tony sighed and fell asleep.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Warning smut ahead.

I do Not own

Read and review if ya want.

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In all it was about five days before Tony was well enough to consider doing the surgery. During that time Gibbs decided to get educated and he did, with a vengeance. He had McGee and Ducky researching and explaining things to him every day and he never seemed to leave his PC. By the time the day of surgery was around Gibbs could explain the procedure to Tony nearly as well as Dr. Cavanaugh.

###################################################

Gibbs sat in Tony's room using Tony's laptop researching more studies and clinical trial data and it was beginning to make Tony insane.

"Dammit Jethro do you ever do anything without obsession?"

Gibbs looked up and said curiously, "No."

Tony burst out laughing at Gibbs confused reply.

"No I guess you don't do you?"

Gibbs just grunted a reply and went back to researching. Tony was better which meant he was bored and restless, not a good combination. Gibbs smiled to himself, he was happy to see that old DiNozzo fire back.

Just as Tony was about to attempt getting out of the bed and take the laptop from Gibbs, Dr. Cavanaugh came into the room.

"Oh thank God you're here. Please tell me it's time. I'd rather be in surgery than bored out of my skull while he becomes the world's foremost expert on _my _cancer."

Dr. Cavanaugh bit back a smirk. He had created a monster in Gibbs. But Tony was too observant.

"You did this! You made him into this—this researching fiend!"

Cavanaugh could do nothing but look smug.

"Guilty as charged. But isn't this better than mopey?"

Tony wasn't sure about that so he just glared.

Just as Ducky entered the room Gibbs said, "You know I can hear you right?"

"Oh it speaks…Miracles of miracles you didn't fall into the internet." Tony snarked.

"Now Anthony your husband has always been a man of few words and you know it. I believe the phrase was "functional mute". Ducky raised his eyebrows enjoying teasing Tony.

Brad finally joined them at that moment.

Tony rolled his eyes, "Great now there are four of you to make my life miserable."

"We could leave." Brad said.

"NO!... I mean I wouldn't want to waste your trip and all."

"Bored hunh?"

"Like you wouldn't believe."

All of them shared a chuckle.

"Alright let's get down to business. We are getting ready to prep you for surgery we'll take out your pancreas and any lymph nodes or tumors that we can and then sew you back up. After that you'll be in ICU recovery for a while and then hopefully back on this floor within a few days. Any questions?"

Tony looked at him weirdly. "That's a lot less complicated and wordy than you made it sound before. Have you been hanging out with Jethro?"

That got him another laugh and a glare from Gibbs.

_Good, bout time you paid attention to me!_

Cavanaugh got serious. "Here's the thing Tony, this surgery is a tough one and there's all sorts of complications that can arise that make it very risky. But this is your best hope for some more time."

That sobered the mood quickly. This was about time, not a cure, not survival. And that sucked big time. But Tony took it with all the grace he could muster for his friends' and lover's sake.

"Yeah, I get it. Thanks Doc."

"Okay well I need to prep for the surgery and you do too. Ducky and Brad will both be there with me just to make sure I don't mess up, so no worries."

Tony smiled at his friends. "Thanks guys. I really appreciate it."

Gibbs finally spoke up. "_We_ really appreciate it."

"Yes, anything for our Anthony." Ducky replied.

It was getting far too emotional in the room so Brad quipped, "Well not _anything…_"

"Oh hahaha Brad I know you love me."

Brad looked aghast. "Ewww."

Ducky had had enough. "Alright children time to get things started let's go Bradley."

Tony and Brad looked sheepish and Cavanaugh looked amused.

"Bye guys, see ya on the other side." Tony said as the three men walked out.

The room was quiet again except for the clicking of the laptop keys. Tony couldn't take it anymore.

"Jethro if you don't put that damn thing away and get over here I am going to scream like a girl…and NOT in a good way."

Gibbs looked up as if he were in a daze and suddenly realized what a jackass he was being.

He got up and walked to Tony bent down and said into Tony's ear.

"Wish we had time for me to make you scream..."

Tony groaned as his cock jumped. That tone of voice always turned him on and made him horny as hell and Jethro knew it.

"Oh you are so, so, evil."

Tony looked up to see the glint in Gibbs dilated eyes.

"Bathroom. Now!" Tony demanded.

The lust was palpable, it had been so long and they needed to feel alive.

Gibbs hesitated.

Tony grabbed him behind his neck and pulled him down and laid a blistering kiss on him. All the hesitation disappeared.

"Hurry we don't have much time." Tony begged as his cock jutted out tenting his hospital gown.

Jethro pulled him up gently and they walked slowly as their need would allow to the small bathroom.

Jethro put down the seat lid to the toilet and sat Tony upon it.

"This isn't exactly romantic." Gibbs said.

"Who cares, just touch me."

"Oh I will don't worry." Gibbs brushed his hand across Tony's erection through the hospital gown as he reached around to cup Tony's bare ass.

"These things are starting to seem sexy to me. I like all that easy access."

"Now you want to talk? Just shut up and kiss me!"

Gibbs gave a low sexy laugh and did just that. His kiss built a heat in Tony he hadn't felt in weeks he wasn't going to last long. It didn't matter this was about the need for life affirming sex not prowess.

"Oh God Jethro, love you so much." Tony said breathlessly.

"Me too babe, me too..." Gibbs rucked up the gown and ghosted his fingers over Tony's trembling stomach. Tony's cock twitched and leaked in anticipation, but Gibbs passed on to Tony's thighs teasing him and kissing him until Tony was about to come without Gibbs ever touching his now rock hard erection.

"Please…" Tony begged.

Gibbs locked eyes with Tony and ran his thumb over the weeping head of his lover's beautiful cock.

Tony shivered trying to hold back his orgasm.

"So beautiful like this…" Gibbs whispered as he wrapped his warm calloused hands around Tony's dick and kissed him senseless.

A few perfect strokes was all it took and Tony came harder than he had in ages, so hard that he nearly blacked out. His come shot up onto his chest bursting like fireworks.

"Oh Jesus…" Tony finally sighed.

"No just Jethro."

Gibbs kissed him gently on the cheek and held him up with one hand as he cleaned Tony off with the nearby tissue.

"Wish I could taste you. But with the radiation…"

"I think I would go into a coma if you put your mouth anywhere near there right now, so it's for the best." Tony sagged against Gibbs arm. Tony was done and they had what was going to be a long walk back to the bed.

"Come on let's get you back into bed."

Tony leaned his head forward onto Gibbs shoulder. "Thank you."

Gibbs ruffled his hair glad Tony couldn't see the tear that sprang up into his eye.

"No… thank you."


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: Another chapter.

I do NOT own

Read and review

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It wasn't very long after their escapade that Tony's room was swarmed with medical personnel that began preparing him for his surgery. Just before they took him to the OR Gibbs gave Tony a kiss and said, "I'll see you when you get out."

Tony smiled a goofy smile because of the versed they had given him and replied, "Love you Jethro…soooooooooo much."

"Love you too Tony."

With that last declaration Tony was wheeled away.

##################################################

Gibbs paced and drank coffee for hours; he was finally joined by first Abby, then Tim and Ziva.

"How long has he been in there Gibbs?" Ziva asked.

"Going on eight hours."

"That's a really long time." Abby remarked.

"Yeah, but the average time is around nine hours, probably more because of the other tumors."

"Wow Gibbs you sure know a lot about this stuff now. I'm proud of you."

"I had to learn, gotta know what you're facing."

The quiet returned as the team waited.

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After an agonizing eleven hours a very tired Ducky came out of the OR suites double doors and into the waiting room containing a group of very worried NCIS personnel.

Gibbs shot out of his seat and in two strides was by Ducky's side. His first thought was for Tony but he couldn't allow himself to ignore the older man's exhaustion and urged him to a nearby chair.

"You okay Duck? Need anything?" Abby rushed to join them but Gibbs waved her off.

"Some water and then something to eat would be much appreciated Jethro."

Gibbs looked at Tim and Ziva and snapped his head toward the elevators the non-verbal command was understood.

"Okay Duck Tim and Ziva are taking care of it."

"How are you Ducky?" Abby asked quietly.

"I am fine Abigail, but I find that eleven hours on my feet during an arduous surgery is not the easy at my age."

"I don't know Duck you are a pretty tough old bird." Gibbs teased.

Ducky rolled his eyes not having the energy to engage.

"Shall we get on with what you want to know?" Ducky sighed.

"Nah better wait for Tim and Ziva."

Ducky looked puzzled never seeing his friend so patient before. He soon realized it was Gibbs concern for him that was holding back Gibbs intense need to know what was happening to Anthony.

###################################################

Ziva and Tim rode the elevator in silence for a moment before Ziva spoke.

"McGee?"

"Yeah."

"How are you doing?"

McGee looked at her nonplussed. "How am _I _doing? Why do you ask?"

"Because, _I_ am not doing so well…We are going to lose Tony."

At that statement McGee felt a wave of nausea wash over him. As soon as the doors opened to the cafeteria floor he was out of the elevator like a shot.

"McGee! Do not ignore me! _Please._" Ziva implored as she jogged to catch up.

McGee stopped and turned to face her.

"Ziva, I can't talk about this. It's too much."

"McGee I have no one to talk to except you."

McGee sighed exasperatedly. "Okay, but I don't know what good it will do."

She nodded and took a deep breath. "I do not know how to do this. How to watch someone I love slowly die."

"I don't either Ziva. But we have no choice. Gibbs and Tony need us to be strong and I know that's something you know how to do."

"Sometimes it is hard to be the strong one."

McGee reached out and pulled Ziva into a hug and kissed the top of her head.

"It is. But we can do it… for a little while anyway."

They stood for a moment gaining strength from one another and then by silent agreement pulled away and went to get Ducky's food.

###################################################

After Ducky had a chance to rest and eat he spoke.

"Sit down all of you." He eyed Gibbs specifically.

They shuffled into their respective chairs and Ducky began speaking.

"Anthony… Well he… The cancer is extremely aggressive and it is taking Dr. Cavanaugh and Bradley much longer to find and remove the lesions and tumors."

"Wait, you said Brad too?" Gibbs asked.

"Yes, well when we got in there the lesions on the lungs were larger than previously thought and the consensus was to remove them during this surgery rather than have to perform another one."

Gibbs rubbed the back of his neck the tension in him obvious. "Okay."

"Yes, well Dr. Cavanaugh has removed the pancreas which is the most difficult part of the surgery now Bradley is finishing his portion as Dr. Cavanaugh removes lymph nodes and tumors in the abdomen. They should be out in a hour or two."

"How is he doing?"

"He is holding his own, but this has been a very extensive surgery and he will have a long recovery time."

"Does he have it?" Gibbs whispered.

"He may."

Gibbs swallowed hard and stood up and walked away.


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Here's another update

I do NOT own

Read and review

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After several days of recovery Tony finally got to come home. He was still in a lot of pain and some of his long fought for lung function was gone. This had the effect of an oppressive air of defeat that was fostering a serious depression in the normally irrepressible Tony.

"Tony? Come on you gotta get out of bed and walk around." Gibbs cajoled.

"No, I'm too tired and my incision hurts."

Gibbs sighed. He was growing tired of Tony's attitude but he held his tongue.

"Okay, how about I give you your pain meds and we try in an hour."

Tony shrugged and rolled onto his left side away from Gibbs.

Gibbs threw his hands up in disgust and walked out.

_Enough is enough…_

Gibbs pulled his cell out and walked out the front door trying very hard not to slam the door.

"Ducky?"

"Hello Jethro, how are you and Anthony faring?"

"Not too well. Tony's acting like he's giving up."

"Jethro depression is a very common symptom after major surgery and adding to the problem is Anthony's prognosis."

"I think he hoped to return to work and at least do desk duty, but with his lobectomy he would never pass the physical."

"All the more reason for his behavior."

"What do I do Duck?"

Ducky paused. "I honestly don't know Jethro. The situation is quite extraordinary."

"I'm getting sick of it." Gibbs growled.

"Perhaps a visit from his teammates would help."

"No can do, they're working a big case."

"I see…Jethro why don't I come over and check Anthony's incision and you can take a break."

"Yeah, that sounds good. Thanks."

"My pleasure, I will be over in an hour or so."

###################################################

Gibbs didn't realize that Tony could hear every word he'd said to Ducky through the open window.

As he lay thinking about Gibbs words, hot tears of anger and frustration streamed down Tony's cheeks.

_Fuck you Jethro! I'd like to see how you deal with this… Wait…No I wouldn't… I'm glad it's me and not you... It's just so hard and it hurts like hell… What am I going to do?... _

###################################################

Gibbs pulled himself together got Tony's meds and trudged up the stairs back to Tony.

"Hey."

"Hey." Tony said hoarsely.

_Shit, he's been crying… _

Gibbs looked up and stared out the open window searching for the right words.

_Oh hell, he heard what I said to Ducky…_

Tony could hear Gibbs struggling for something to say or do and turned over to face him.

"I'm sorry." Tony whispered.

Gibbs looked down at him with surprise. "You're sorry? What the hell do you have to be sorry for?" Gibbs sat gently down on the bed careful not to jostle Tony.

"I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for my pissy attitude, I'm sorry for shutting you out but most of all I'm sorry for doing this to you."

Gibbs was stunned, "Doing this to me? What being pissy? Who wouldn't be in this situation?"

"I mean I'm sorry about the cancer. It's not fair to you. I bet you wish we'd never gotten together now." Tony couldn't hold back the tears that had been pooling in his eyes.

"Oh God Tone, no I don't wish that." Gibbs stroked Tony's face wiping away his errant tears.

"You shouldn't have to go through this Jethro; you've already suffered too much." Tony began to sob in earnest.

"Ah hell Tony, I'd have gone through this with you whether we were together or not. The truth is I imagine this is easier than watching you go through it alone and I get to do this..." He bent down and kissed Tony's forehead and lay down next to him. "Now let me hold you." Gibbs tenderly wrapped his arms around his husband and held Tony as he cried.

###################################################

Ducky gathered his medical bag and cell phone and headed to Gibbs and Tony's house. He walked in and announced himself finding no reply. He checked the downstairs and realized that his friends were probably upstairs in their bedroom.

Knowing Jethro was expecting him he felt safe to venture up. As he came up the stairs he could see the open bedroom door, "Jethro? Anthony?" he called softly.

Getting no answer he walked quietly into the room. There he found his friends lying in one another's arms fast asleep. Ducky felt a pang in his chest at the sight. Both of these men meant so much to him it hurt to see them like this knowing what they were going through. He treaded lightly over to Gibbs and taking a risk tapped him on the shoulder. "Jethro," he whispered.

Gibbs jumped at the touch but he was so aware of Tony being in his arms he didn't leap out of the bed.

"Duck, let me get up. I'll meet you downstairs." Gibbs whispered and leveraged himself out of the bed.

Tony, with his own well-honed reflexes woke as well.

"You don't have to leave I'm awake." Tony said tiredly.

"Hello Anthony how do you feel?"

"Pretty good."

"So that means you're hurting. Have you taken your pain meds?"

Gibbs looked at Tony's red and swollen eyes and decided not to let Ducky chastise him.

"We were just going to do that Ducky."

"Yeah, we were."

Gibbs shook out two of Tony's vicodin and passed them and the glass of water to him.

"Oooh bendy straw… Thanks Jethro." Tony gave a wan smile.

"Hmmm… Shall we take a look at your incision now or wait until your medication has taken effect?"

"We'll wait until his meds have kicked in." Gibbs declared

"Very well. Anthony have you been up today?"

"Only to hit the head."

"I see…well after we take care of the medical business perhaps we can help you downstairs to the couch."

Tony groaned. "Awesome…"


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: Here's an update, though no one but a few seem to be reading this. I blame the rating, the character death thing and my subpar writing.

I do NOT own

Read and Review PWEEEZE

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The trip down the stairs hurt like hell but at least he made it. He sat contemplating the day's events and came to some conclusions. But Tony could wait until Jethro returned from running errands and Ducky left. Only Ducky didn't seem to be on the same page.

"Now Anthony lets you and I talk."

Tony groaned. "Do we have to?"

"Yes."

In that one word Ducky made it clear that he would brook no argument on the subject.

With an exaggerated sigh Tony replied, "Fine."

They sat for a moment each waiting to see who would speak first. It fell to Ducky as Tony was not about to make things easy.

"Very well then…Anthony I know you understand what lies ahead for you but are you sure you want to go through that?"

Tony was surprised this was not the conversation he thought they were going to have. And no one had ever thought to really ask him this, except Jethro of course but that was only half-heartedly and done out of obligation. He thought for moment more before responding. Ducky waited patiently for his reply.

When he finally spoke it was with a clear and sure voice.

"First of all thank you for caring enough about me to ask. But yes I have considered not going through all of this. But you know me I'm stubborn as hell and who knows maybe I'll get lucky. Besides I couldn't do that to Jethro."

"I see, well you never cease to impress me Anthony. Your courage is astounding I for one would not have had the guts to go through this."

There was a joke in there but Tony abstained. He decided against deflecting Ducky's compliment.

"Thank you Ducky. That really means a lot. But the way I figure it I've had to fight for everything in my life why quit now."

Ducky nodded. The quiet returned.

Tony could see there was more Ducky wanted to say but he was hesitant.

"Go ahead and say it Ducky."

"I was wondering if you'd like to consider harvesting a sperm sample prior to your chemotherapy."

Tony was stunned.

"No, not really… I hadn't even thought about it." Tony mumbled.

"Hear me out Anthony before you decide anything. I know you are in a terrible situation and that your life expectancy has significantly been shortened but call me a meddling old fool… I just can't stand the thought of you not having the option of having a child, and frankly I worry that without a child there will be nothing for Jethro to continue on once you have…" he trailed off unsure of what word to use.

"Died."

"Yes, once you have died…Now you certainly do not have to do anything with the sample but please at least give yourself the option."

Tony sat and stared into space for what seemed and eternity and finally turned to Ducky and said, "Okay, yeah, let's do it. But don't say anything to Jethro."

Ducky beamed at him and replied, "Certainly not. I think you have made a wise decision here Anthony, it's always best to have more options. I will make you an appointment with Dr. Cavanaugh's office they will handle the details."

Just then Gibbs barged in the front door. He looked at the two men suspiciously.

"What's going on here?"

"Nothing but some medical speak Jethro." Ducky gave a half truth.

"Yeah really boring, thank God you're back." Tony rolled his eyes.

Gibbs wasn't convinced but he would let it go for now.

"Picked up some salmon and fresh veggies, figured we could grill, got cedar planks too."

Tony smiled. "Sounds great."

"You staying Duck? Got plenty."

Ducky was tempted but thought it best to give the men some time alone to process the day's events.

"Why thank you Jethro but I fear I have already made other plans." Ducky stood to leave.

Gibbs scrutinized his friend. "Why don't I believe you? Never mind, thanks for coming over and helping Duck."

"Yes thank you Ducky for everything." Tony said meaningfully.

"My pleasures, and indeed my honor, take care I will see you tomorrow to check on your dressing and incision."

With that Ducky grabbed his medical bag and walked out the door.

Gibbs turned to Tony with a bit of a glare and said, "What were you two talking about? And don't lie to me."

Tony sat for a moment and thought about the conversation Jethro and he had their first night together.

"Remember when we first got together?"

Gibbs gave a wary, "Yeah."

"Do you remember the conversation we had before…?"

"Before we made love?"

"Yeah, that one."

"What about it?"

"We talked about having kid and you said you would be fine with us doing that if I wanted it."

"And?" Gibbs heart was pounding.

"Well Ducky just asked me to preserve a sperm sample before the chemo so that we would have that option… If we wanted it."

Gibbs sat down speechless and stared at Tony. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I might want it."

"Oh." _Holy crap…_


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: Hope you enjoy this chapter. Thank you to all who have reviewed and encouraged me and much gratitude to those following this story.

NOT mine

Read and review please.

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" Are you going to say anything besides 'OH'?"

Gibbs looked at his hands as if they held some secret knowledge his mind was reeling. He didn't think he could articulate more than 'Oh' right now.

Tony crossed his arms and watched as his husband struggled to find a reply. He finally let Gibbs off the hook. Tony reached over and held Gibbs fidgeting hands still.

"Look, we don't have to decide anything now but I am giving the sample so I have the choice…_we _have the choice."

Gibbs raised his eyes to meet Tony's. His thoughts were bouncing from the joy it would be to be a father with Tony, to the thought of being left alone to raise a child once Tony was gone, it was too much. He gently pulled his hands free and stood.

"I gotta put the groceries away."

"Jethro?"

"Give me some time okay?"

"Sure I understand. It's not even something we have to worry about for a while."

Tony and Gibbs both knew that wasn't the truth if they were going to do this thing it would have to start immediately. But sometimes all you have is pretend.

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McGee finished typing his report and shut down his computer, picked up his back pack and coat and headed out. He didn't wait for Ziva to return from the lab, he just left. McGee felt a pang of guilt but he shook it off he couldn't deal with Abby and Ziva's misplaced optimism any more. He wanted to be left alone to mourn and deal with Tony's illness his own way and right now that looked like a night of drinking. Unfortunately his plans were thwarted as he approached his car.

"McGee! Wait up…Timmy!"

_Crap… Abby… _ McGee sighed and turned toward the sound of jangling boots.

"What is it Abby? I was headed home." His tone was exasperated.

"Whoa, grumpy much McGee… I just wanted to see if you wanted to go with me and Ziva to visit Tony and Gibbs."

_No… _"Not tonight Abs, I am beat."

She looked at him skeptically. " You do look tired. But come on Tony is sitting up and feeling better. Don't you miss him?"

_Like you wouldn't believe… _"It's not that I don't miss him I am just really, really, tired. Besides, have you talked with Gibbs about this?"

"Well, no I thought we could surprise them."

"Abby, do you really think that's a good idea? You should call first." He chided.

Abby bit her bottom lip in contemplation. "You're right Tim I should call first. But if Gibbs says yes will you come? Please?"

He always had a hard time resisting Abby's pouty face but there was no way he was going over there tonight. He wanted to go to the bar for one night and just forget.

"Next time Abs, okay?"

"Oh alright, next time. But you promise?"

"Yeah, I promise."

Abby's squeal echoed throughout the parking garage like some sort of air raid siren. She flung her arms around McGee and squeezed him.

"Oh thank you Timmy!"

"You're welcome Abby. Now if you could let me go I would like to head out."

"Sorry." She let go and patted him on the back.

"That's okay."

"Okay well I'm gonna go call Gibbs." She was already skipping away.

_God how does she have all that energy and positivity? _

McGee finally got into his car and drove to the nearest watering hole.

Gibbs walked around the kitchen putting things away still in a daze. The vibrating of his cell phone broke his reverie.

"Gibbs."

"Hey Gibbs, how's Tony? How are you? Can Ziva and I visit?"

The questions were out like machine gun fire.

"Not tonight Abs, Tony and I are really tired."

There was a moment of quiet.

"Okay Gibbs. But please let us visit soon."

"Alright Abs I will."

Gibbs hung up once again without saying good bye.

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Tony knew Jethro would react this way what he wasn't sure of was how receptive his husband would be for what he really wanted. He wanted to have a baby, maybe two, one of his and one of Jethro's. The question was who would be the egg donor and surrogate. His heart immediately went to Abby, but his head said that wasn't a good idea. He could find an egg donor on the internet, or better yet use a fertility clinic. He would ask his attorney about finding a surrogate. Dying or not he would do this that is if his husband agreed.

In the meantime there was the issue of his father. He hadn't told him about his cancer yet. He had been avoiding dealing with Senior since his diagnosis. He could tell Jethro did not approve of the delay but wasn't speaking up about it. Perhaps taking care of telling Senior now would be a good idea. If nothing else it would be a distraction from the huge discussion looming in the near future.

"Jethro?" Tony called.

Gibbs wasn't ready to talk about the baby thing yet, but he also wasn't one to avoid things that needed doing. He walked back to the living room.

"Yeah?"

"Please sit down next to me." Tony implored.

"Sure." Gibbs sat down planting a kiss on Tony's cheek on the way down.

"Thank you." Tony said his smile sincere.

"I need your help with something."

Gibbs felt his stomach clench. "What's wrong? Do you need more pain meds?"

Tony sighed. "No Jethro that's not it, I'm fine right now. I wanted your help with telling Senior."

Gibbs looked at Tony with his piercing blue eyes full of compassion.

"Okay, what do you want me to do?"

"Just be here and hold my hand."

Gibbs smiled gently. "That I can do."

Tony pulled Gibbs closer and said with a growl. "Kiss me, kiss me like you mean it."

Gibbs leaned in and kissed Tony long and deep and full of meaning. When he came up for air he gazed into Tony's eyes for what felt like an eternity, and said, "I _always _mean it and don't you forget it. Now let's call that scoundrel you call a father." Gibbs handed him the phone off the coffee table.

"Okay." Tony dialed.

Senior's voice burst through the phone."Junior! I was just going to call you, I have some great news! That deal I was working on came through! I want to come into town and have dinner to celebrate with you and G—Jethro."

_Still can't get used to calling him Jethro._

"That's great Dad, we look forward to your visit." Gibbs nudged Tony's arm.

"Listen Dad there's a reason I called. I have some news of my own."

_This doesn't sound good._

"Well don't leave me in suspense, spit it out."

Senior was scared and he didn't know why. He only knew the tone in his son's voice was far too serious for the news to be anything but bad.

"Yeah, okay. Here goes, Dad I have stage IV metastatic pancreatic cancer."

The words fell from his lips like tiny anvils. He imagined each one hitting his father. Senior had never gotten over his wife's death from cancer and now he would lose his only child to the same disease.

_Oh my God…this can't be happening…_

Tony let the silence from the other end of the phone engulf him as he waited to hear his father's response. It was a few minutes in coming and when it did it was short and to the point.

Senior finally stammered, "Anthony… I—I … I will be there in the morning." And he hung up.

Tony looked in disbelief at the phone.

"What did he say?" Gibbs demanded.

"Nothing, he just said he would be here in the morning and hung up."

"Good." Gibbs said.

"Good?In what universe is that good?"

"The one where Senior finally starts acting like your father."

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh."


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: RL getting in the way of my muse. Hope this is okay.

Not mine

Review at your pleasure.

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That night was a rough one, Tony couldn't seem to get comfortable and Gibbs couldn't shut off his brain. So by the time morning rolled around they were both grumpy and short tempered.

Gibbs walked downstairs for some much needed coffee and neglected to think about Tony needing help getting to the head. Tony was pissed that he had to ask.

_Screw it; I'll just do it myself._

Tony scooted over to the edge of the bed nearest the bathroom and gingerly lifted his legs over the side. It hurt like hell. But he gritted his teeth and kept going.

_Stupid jerk doesn't even ask me if I have to pee. I'll be damned if I'm going to beg._

His feet finally planted on the floor Tony began to get up.

"Just what the hell do you think you're doing DiNozzo?" Gibbs rushed over to stop Tony from standing up on his own.

Tony gave Gibbs a dirty look. "I think I'm the hell gonna go pee!"

Gibbs grabbed Tony's elbow to steady him but Tony jerked his arm away, which caused him to gasp in pain as the movement pulled on his incision.

"Fuck that hurts."

"Yeah I bet it does. Idiot."

"Whatever, you left me here with a bladder that was about to burst. What else was I supposed to do?"

"You could have asked for help."

Tony glared at him through pain filled eyes.

"Just leave me alone I can do it myself."

"Nope."

"What do you mean 'nope'."

"I mean I will not leave you alone and you will accept my help."

Tony's incision was on fire and he had to pee so bad it hurt.

_Pick your battles dude…_

"Fine, quit your yakking and take me."

Tony was glad for the help he would have never made it on his own.

When they returned to the bed Gibbs eased Tony back into the bed and gave him a kiss.

Tony's frown soon melted.

"Is that better?" Gibbs asked.

"I'm not sure, I think it's helping but I may need more."

Gibbs smiled and kissed him again until Tony moaned into his mouth.

"How about that?"

"Oh yeah, that's way better."

"Good, now let me get you breakfast and your pain meds. Senior could be here any minute."

"Really? You're going to kiss me like that and leave?"

"Yep." Gibbs said and walked off.

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Anthony DiNozzo Sr. was stricken with grief. It was a feeling he'd spent a lifetime avoiding and in so doing he had virtually abandoned his only son. Now he would lose his son and he barely knew him. They had made strides but he knew that Tony still didn't trust him; he had no reason to really.

He froze as the cab pulled up in front of the house. He didn't know what to say or do but he knew he had to be there for his son.

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Gibbs walked out onto the porch and waited for Senior to get out of the cab. He could see the man was hesitant, so he walked over to help him with his luggage.

"Senior."

"G—Jethro."

Gibbs stuck his hand out and shook a somewhat startled Senior's hand.

The cabbie was getting impatient.

"Hey, I got another call man."

"Oh yes, sorry." Senior pulled out a hundred dollar bill and gave it to the man.

"Keep the change."

"Thanks." The cabbie said unimpressed and he drove away.

"Let's get you settled and then you can see Tony."

"Okay."

Senior was quiet, not the man's normal state, it was a little unnerving.

"Look, maybe we should talk about this first." Gibbs said.

"Yeah, maybe we should." Senior replied distractedly.

"Tony just had major surgery to remove his pancreas and part of his lung as well as several lymph nodes and other tumors. He's lost some weight and he is in pain so don't be too—"

"Too what? Me?" Senior smiled ruefully.

"Yeah."

"Jethro I can honestly say this is one time when my words and charm fail me. I don't know what to say or do, I am at a loss." Senior's eyes teared up it was all he could do to hold it together.

Seeing the elder DiNozzo's distress Gibbs offered, "The only advice I can give you is try not to lose it. I know it's hard but Tony may not be able to handle it right now."

Senior sniffed and wiped his tears away and put on that famous charlatan's grin of his. "I understand, believe it or not I know this is about him not me."

"Good."_ It's about damn time…_

The two men had walked up the steps to the porch as they spoke and were now at the front door. Gibbs opened it and took his father in law's luggage into the guest room, Senior followed.

All Senior wanted to do was lie down and cry, but he knew there would come a time for that and now wasn't it. His son needed him to be his normal charming self and by God that's what he'd do.

"Can we go see Junior now?"

Gibbs was surprised by his eagerness to see Tony, but he didn't feel comfortable bringing the man to their bedroom, besides Tony needed to get up.

"Why don't you wait in the living room and I'll bring him down."

"Okay, whatever you think is best."

"Take a seat I'll be right back." Gibbs said as he walked up the stairs.

################################################

Tony was a nervous wreck. His father coming hadn't occurred to him, and he was scared of Senior's reaction.

_What if he loses it?... What if he doesn't?... What if he pisses off Jethro? What if he pisses me off?... This is going to be so freaking weird…_

Tony heard the front door open again and the sound of two voices; he knew his father was here and he suddenly was overcome by a sense of sadness. His father came, but it took cancer to get him here.

_Don't do this…He came, things are better between us. Hang on to that._

His dark and swirling thoughts were soon calmed by the presence of his husband who when he walked into their bedroom went straight to his side and held him. Jethro made him feel better without a word.


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: Short and not so sweet

Not mine

Reviews are pleasant

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Gibbs brought a reluctant Tony down the stairs and to the living room. He saw his father standing there looking lost.

"Hello Junior." His father beamed a smile at him.

"Dad." Tony's tone was cool.

Senior didn't know what to do with himself, he stood awkwardly as Gibbs settled Tony on the couch. Tony gasped in pain as Gibbs shifted his legs up onto the cushions.

"Are you okay?" Senior took a step forward his hand out.

Tony gave a bitter sigh. "No Dad I'm not okay. I have cancer and I'm dying so no, definitely not okay."

His father trembled with the need to express his grief but he heeded Gibbs' warning and held it together. He choked out an "I'm so sorry", and asked to be excused to the restroom.

When the older DiNozzo left the room Gibbs looked at Tony and said, "Being a little tough on him."

"Are you serious? You've wanted me to confront him for years, and now you are worried about how _'tough'_ I'm being on him?"

"Tone, I just mean are you sure this is what you want? Do you just want to hurt him? Or do you want to resolve some things and make peace with him? Whatever you want to do I'll support you, I just want you to be okay with this…" His hand gesture conveyed the nebulousness and frustrated nature of the situation.

Tony sat quietly for a moment his expression revealing nothing. When he spoke his voice was small and childlike.

"He was my Dad Jethro and he abandoned me, disowned me…Told me I'd end up in the gutter. Life is too short; mine in particular, to put up with his bullshit."

"Yeah, I get it. When I think about all of those things I want to kill him with my bare hands. But Tony forgiveness isn't for the person who did the wrong, forgiveness is for the one wronged. I just don't want you harboring this resentment; I want you to have peace about this because I love you and want this burden lifted from you."

Tony looked at him like he was crazy. "When did you turn into a preacher Jethro?"

Gibbs snorted. "Please I'm no preacher, but I know what bitterness and anger will do to you and I don't want that for you."

Tony sat and took it all in, he would forgive his father but it wouldn't be today.

"Yeah okay, but I'm not ready to let it go. He needs to…I don't know try harder?"

"I understand, and like I said it's up to you."

Just then Senior walked back into the room his eyes red but his smile plastered on. He'd heard every word, and damn if he didn't know he had his work cut out for him. But he refused to give up on fixing things between him and Tony.

"Anthony, have you eaten breakfast yet?"

"Yeah?" Tony said quizzically.

"Oh well, I can make your favorite pancakes tomorrow then. Shall we watch a movie?"

Senior was trying very hard, but Tony was tiring fast and his pain meds were making him sleepy as well.

"Uhhh thanks Dad, but actually I'm kind of tired."

"Of course, don't worry about it. I'll just go get things settled in my room and you can take a nap."

"Okay."

Senior nodded and turned on his heel to go to the guestroom but stopped mid-stride and said, "I love you Anthony, get some rest. We'll talk later." Then he walked away.

"Did you hear that? That was…just weird."

"Yeah I heard it. What do you think?"

"I think that I am too damn tired and in pain to think."

"You want to go back upstairs?"

"Nah, don't think I could take that right now."

"Okay, tell you what I'll just tuck you in and you can sleep here." Gibbs smiled indulgently at Tony as he pulled the afghan over him and then kissed him.

"Mmm that's better. Maybe some more of that would be good."

Gibbs chuckled, "You are incorrigible, now get some sleep."

"Okay…" And Tony promptly fell asleep.

Gibbs went into the kitchen for some much needed caffeine. He stood at the sink staring out the window fighting back the tide of emotions that threatened to overwhelm him. With each sip of the black brew he strengthened his resolve to keep it together.

_Now if I can just keep from killing Senior…_


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: Okay I made a big medical mistake; I forgot to tell you that having had his pancreas removed Tony would have to be on insulin. I will at some point be sure to add that in the earlier chapters but be prepared to have this part of the story from here on out.

Tony awoke to the smell of homemade marinara sauce. The tantalizing aroma had his mouth watering and his appetite was back in full force.

"Mmmmm smells great…" Tony said as he stretched gingerly before opening his eyes.

When he opened him he found a curious Ducky standing over him.

"Hello Anthony. I am happy to see you've been resting. How are you feeling?"

"Pretty good, incision is itchy, though."

"Alright, let's take a look."

Ducky bent down and pulled up Tony's t-shirt and began removing his bandages.

"Ahh yes it's healing nicely, you haven't undone anything."

Before Ducky could rebandage Tony Senior walked into the living room.

"Anthony I ma—Oh God…" "Senior gasped when he saw the large incision that went up Tony's abdomen.

"Yeah, it's pretty gross hunh." Tony said lightly.

"I—I don't know what to say." Senior was speechless, not a state he was accustomed to being in.

Gibbs walked up from the basement to get more coffee and saw the commotion in the living room.

"Hey Duck. How's it look?"

"It looks to be healing rather well Jethro. I am glad to see Anthony has been taking it easy knowing how difficult that is for him."

"Yeah, he's been pretty good." Gibbs smiled wistfully; he didn't have the heart to say that Tony didn't seem to have the energy to misbehave.

Ducky finished up and took the discarded bandages to the kitchen trash.

Tony gave Gibbs a knowing look, before addressing his father's discomfort.

"Hey Dad, don't freak it's not that big a deal. I mean it's not as bad as when I had the plague and when I've been shot."

It suddenly occurred to Senior what an absolute ass he'd been his son had been dying or hurt on other occasions and he couldn't be bothered to come and see him. Tony could have died from the plague and he would never have had the chance to ask for his forgiveness and let him know how much he really did love his son.

"I have been such a fool…" Senior said quietly.

Tony looked a bit shocked by the statement and didn't respond. But his husband had no such difficulty.

"Yeah you really have, but it stops now." Gibbs commanded.

"Yes, absolutely. It must." Senior declared.

Tony just looked from his father to Gibbs as they shared their weird moment like he wasn't even there. He was tired of being ignored.

"Is that marinara sauce I smell?"

Senior mentally shook himself and replied. "Why yes it is Junior. I made it just for you."

Tony beamed. "Awesome!"

Gibbs smiled at the genuine happiness that such a simple thing brought Tony. It was a big part of what he loved about Tony, his optimism and joy for life and its small pleasures.

That's why he loathed saying to Tony, "Only if Ducky says it's okay though." Gibbs hated seeing the crestfallen look on Tony's face.

Ducky walked into the room just as his name was being spoken.

"If what is okay Jethro?"

"The pasta and the sauce."

"Well it should be okay as long as Anthony doesn't eat too much and we adjust his insulin accordingly."

"Okay, sounds good to me." Gibbs proclaimed.

Tony rolled his eyes at Jethro's protectiveness.

"I swear you treat me like a kid sometimes."

"Well gee I wonder why?" Gibbs' own sarcasm coming out.

"Now boys please let's just enjoy the lovely meal Tony's father has prepared." Ducky chided.

They all began walking towards the kitchen Senior last, forgetting Tony on the couch.

"Hey, a little help here would be nice."

Senior stopped shamefaced and turned to help Tony up from the couch. Gibbs knew exactly what he was doing and he stayed out of it.

"Let me help you Anthony." Senior held out his arms for Tony to grab.

"Thanks Dad." Tony said appreciatively.

Senior smiled trying to hide his distress over the lack of weight in his once robust son.

"No thanks necessary. I am happy to help."

For once Tony believed him.


	23. Chapter 23

A/N: Smut ahead. I swear what is wrong with me?

Not mine

Read and Review

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McGee was drunk and he liked it. He didn't have to worry about anything all he had to do was feel the sweet intoxication. When he did think his mind went in circles that always ended up in the same place… Tony. He never realized what Tony meant to him until this. When Tony had the plague that was scary as hell but they were just getting to know each other, it was seven years later and a lot of water under the bridge between them. Tony mattered. McGee was afraid to see Tony and the way his friend's body was already affected by the cancer, so instead he sat and he drank.

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The DiNozzo-Gibbs clan sat around the kitchen table with Ducky and ate the delicious homemade pasta and marinara sauce Senior had made. There was little discussion but appreciative murmurs could be heard throughout the meal. Tony was full all too soon and was feeling ready to go back to the couch but he waited until everyone else was finished to ask.

He looked at Jethro and said, "Hey, you think you could give me a hand back to the couch?"

Gibbs looked at Tony and could see the strain of fatigue and pain on his face.

"Why didn't you say something sooner?" His question had a slight growl in it.

"I'm fine Jethro, just a little tired and you guys were still eating. Now quit growling at me and help me back to the couch…please."

"My dear Anthony I am so sorry we were so distracted that we didn't notice your fatigue."

"Yes, Junior you should have spoken up sooner. We would have gladly paused our meal."

All these comments served to do was to make Tony angry.

"Dammit! Will all of you quit treating me like a child?Despite what you may think I am perfectly capable of deciding when I've had enough. For example, I have had _enough_ of all the pussyfooting around and waiting on me hand and foot today so thank you for a great meal but I am going to bed!" Tony braced his hands against the table top and pushed himself up on shaking arms.

"What the hell Tony?" Gibbs was around the table like a shot and he put his arm around his errant husband.

"As much as I would love to tell you to go to hell right now, I need your help so... Thanks for dinner Dad and thanks for the help Ducky. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Anthony." Ducky said.

"Yes goodnight Junior." Senior added.

"Come on, Tone." Gibbs gently pulled him along.

When the two men had left Ducky turned and looked at Senior with a cold gleam in his eye.

"You better not hurt that boy or Jethro. Have I made myself clear?"

Senior swallowed in fear, he'd never seen the affable ME be so menacing before. He took the threat seriously.

"I have neither the desire nor intention of hurting Junior. I am here to make things right."

"See that you do." Ducky stood up and took his plate to the sink and rinsed it before turning to leave.

"Thank you for the lovely meal, do tell Jethro goodbye for me."

Just like that, Ducky was the kindly gentleman doctor again. The swift change made Senior's head spin and gave him a shiver.

Senior managed a weak "Goodnight" and started cleaning the kitchen. He had to do something his nerves were shot and he was agitated. If one more person threatened him on Tony's behalf he didn't know what he'd do.

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By the time Tony and Gibbs made it up to their room Tony had had it. He was exhausted and the pain was now searing. He knew this was part of the healing process but it was beginning to make him a little crazy to be trapped in the house with nothing to do but sleep and eat because he was too tired to do anything else.

Gibbs noticed the pain in Tony's eyes and the frustrated tilt of his mouth as he laid him gently on the bed.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, just ready for some pain meds and bed, sorry I'm so boring."

"You could never be boring." Gibbs smiled.

"Thanks I think. You know I'm gonna need the head and to brush my teeth here in a minute."

"Well you can just wait until your meds start to work."

Tony yawned.

"I don't know I might not last that long."

Gibbs handed Tony the bottle of water on the nightstand and two of his vicodin.

"Here, take these and go to sleep; I'll wake you up in an hour or so."

"Okay."

Gibbs watched him with a small smile on his face.

"Do you know how much I love you?"

Tony swallowed the last pill and looked at his husband tenderly.

"If it's half as much as I love you then I am ecstatic."

Gibbs sat down on the bed and cupped Tony's face in his hands. Their eyes inches apart so close they shared the same breath.

"I love you so much Tony, I am so glad you are in my life."

Before Tony could respond Gibbs kissed him. It was an almost shy kiss, with feather light touches of his lips against Tony's. The kiss soon blossomed into a deeper one, a slow dance of the tongues. It stoked a fire in Tony he hadn't expected considering his incision pain.

"Jethro…" Tony exhaled.

Gibbs began to nibble along Tony's jaw to his earlobe.

"Yeah?"

"Either stop that now or do something about this." Tony growled and grabbed Gibbs hand and placed it on his hardening erection.

"Okay, I will." Gibbs gently pushed Tony back on the pillows stacked against the headboard, and began to pull Tony's sweats down at an agonizingly slow pace all the while his eyes never leaving Tony's.

Tony's now fully hard cock sprung out of his pants and before he could react Gibbs had him swallowed down his throat. It was going to be a fast and dirty blow job.

_Just what I needed…_

When Tony instinctively started to thrust Gibbs grabbed Tony's hips in a vice like hold and took his mouth off Tony's cock.

"Don't move, or you'll pull your stitches." He commanded.

Tony's cock throbbed and he would have done anything at that moment to have Gibbs' mouth back where it belonged so he gave no argument.

"I won't." Tony gasped.

Gibbs took Tony back into his mouth and sucked and teased him until Tony had the quietest but most intense orgasm of his life. When he came he just whimpered and his body trembled all over. It was amazing.

"God…" Tony whispered.

Gibbs carefully cleaned Tony with his tongue and then pulled his sweats back up.

"I love you." Gibbs kissed Tony and stood to tuck him into the bed.

"I love you too Jethro… so much." Tony was slipping quickly into sleep as his husband maneuvered the covers over him.

With one more peck to Tony's forehead Gibbs left his nearly asleep husband and brushed his teeth before going back down the stairs to help Senior clean up the dinner mess.


	24. Chapter 24

A/N: Ahh the joys of writing… Wrote two versions of this chapter; hated them both… c'est la vie.

I do NOT own

Read and review it's the kind thing to do

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They fell into a routine over the next two weeks of Tony's recovery; Gibbs and Senior trying their best to keep from mollycoddling Tony and Tony tried to keep from losing his mind from boredom and anxiety. The day had finally arrived for Tony to see Dr. Cavanaugh and begin his chemotherapy. Everyone was on edge.

"Tony, come on we gotta go." Gibbs hollered up the stairs.

Tony just sat on the bed staring into space, feeling nothing but knowing he didn't want to move. He thought everything had changed with his diagnosis and surgery, but now he knew it was the chemo that was going to make it all real and Tony wasn't quite up to facing that.

"Maybe you should go see what's keeping him." Senior suggested with concern.

"Yeah." Gibbs began taking the stairs two at a time and was in their bedroom in seconds.

"Tony? You okay?" _Of course he's not fucking okay Leroy…Jesus._

"Yeah, it's just… It's just that I thought I was ready, that I got it. But I'm not… The chemo thing is really freaking me out Jethro."

Tony looked at his husband his emerald eyes beseeching him to make it all go away.

Gibbs crossed the room and kneeled in front of Tony. "I am so sorry Tone. If it helps it's freaking me out too. But we gotta do this…today."

Tony wondered at that. _No we don't…No I don't; I could just let it go…_

Gibbs could see what Tony was thinking and his stomach sank. _Please Tony don't quit now…_

"If you don't want to do this we won't." Gibbs said bravely.

Tony looked at his lover and could see the struggle in his eyes. He couldn't do that to Jethro; take away his hope all because he was afraid of a little chemo.

"No, I'm doing it. I just had to clear my head a bit. You know?"

Gibbs felt a strange mix of elation and despair as he stood up and took Tony's hands in his and helped him up from the bed.

"Well come on then we don't want to be late."

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They arrived at the chemo center with little time to spare due to Gibbs unusually slow driving. Tony didn't comment but found he was anxious to begin for fear he would chicken out. Gibbs and Tony walked in to a small waiting area and checked in at the desk, where Tony was given a tiny pager and told which room to go to when it went off.

"Very efficient." Tony quipped Gibbs merely nodded as they sat down on a nearby couch.

Tony began fidgeting with the pager his knee bouncing up and down. Gibbs, by contrast, was still and stone faced as he feigned interest in a ten year old copy of National Geographic. The atmosphere was fraught with tension and apprehension. It was a relief when the tiny red pager went off.

"Guess that's me." Tony said quietly. Gibbs stood and put out his hand to help his husband up.

"Come on." Gibbs said as he pulled Tony off the couch.

The two walked through the automatic glass doors hands still clasped. They were leaving any illusion about Tony's cancer further behind them with each step toward the room where the chemo would be given.

A young woman with light brown hair and kind brown eyes walked up to them with a gentle smile on her face.

" Anthony Dinozzo-Gibbs?"

"Yeah, that's me but you can call me Tony." He flashed one of his better smiles.

"And who have you brought with you today?"

"This silver haired fox is my husband Jethro."

She gave a genuine smile to Gibbs.

"Pleased to meet you both, my name is Stephanie and I'll be the nurse starting your chemotherapy today. Tony you can leave your pager here and follow me and we can get started."

A wave of fear washed over Tony as he set the pager down on the nurse's station counter.

_This is it…I'm really doing this._

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Gibbs watched with morbid fascination as they hung the IV bags of chemo plastered with stickers that shouted out warnings as to the danger contained within.

"Okay, now I just have to confirm your identity. Your name?"

"Anthony DiNozzo-Gibbs."

"And now I just need your birthday and we can begin."

"July 14, 1968."

"Very good. Now before I start the chemo I need to place the IV and give you your premeds."

"What premeds?" Gibbs asked gruffly.

"Oh Benadryl, and some Zofran, they will all help with side effects. It'll take about 20 minutes to run those and then I'll start the chemotherapy."

"Do they have side effects?" Tony asked.

"Well Benedryl is an antihistamine it may make you drowsy."

Tony nodded and tried to relax as Stephanie first flushed the port placed in Tony's chest during his surgery, the cold sensation was strange and uncomfortable a hint of things to come.

Stephanie then placed the catheter from the IV containing the premeds into the port and adjusted the drip rate.

"There we go, you may start to feel sleepy just go ahead and rest. I'll be back to check on you in a few minutes."

She left quietly closing the door behind her.

Gibbs was suddenly struck with an overwhelming urge to cry. He clenched his fists in denial and fought it back with his ferocious will. But Tony could read his husband like a book and he knew what was going through Jethro's mind.

"Hey." Tony said softly.

"Hey, yourself." Gibbs replied with false bravado.

"Come here." Tony demanded.

Gibbs hadn't realized he was all the way across the room still. He looked down at his feet as if urging them to move and shuffled over to Tony's bed.

"Love you Jethro." Tony words slurred as he was becoming increasingly sleepy.

"Love you too Tone." Gibbs stroked Tony's head until he fell asleep and only then did he allow a few traitorous tears escape.


	25. Chapter 25

A/N: Here's a chapter.

I do NOT own

Read and review plz

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"Oh God… Please make it stop." Tony groaned as he lay against the cool tile wall of the bathroom. He was shaking from the effort of the continuous vomiting he was doing. Gibbs looked on in horror trying his best to soothe his husband but feeling completely impotent in the wake of Tony's misery.

"Shhh babe… I gotcha…" Gibbs whispered gently as he wiped a cool washcloth across Tony's forehead.

"Jethro?" Tony croaked.

"Yes?"

"I don't feel so good."

"I know you don't. I'm so sorry." Gibbs said his voice quaking.

"Think I need some help, Jethro." Tony's voice wavered.

"Okay, let me call Ducky."

"Maybe we should go to the hospital…"

Gibbs looked at Tony with shock. If Tony was asking to go to the hospital then it was a lot worse than Gibbs thought. He called Ducky then.

"Hello?"

"Duck, need your help."

"What's wrong Jethro?" The concern in Ducky's voice was unmistakable.

"It's Tony Duck; he's having a real hard time."

"How hard of a time?"

"He's asking to go to the hospital."

"Oh dear, then we better get him there."

"Yeah, think you're right."

"Very well, I will meet you at the Emergency Room."

They hung up and Gibbs turned back to Tony and shook him awake.

"Alright, let's get you to the hospital."

" 'Kay." Tony mumbled.

Gibbs managed to get Tony to the car and buckled and within minutes they were at the ER.

Gibbs pulled under the overhang of the ER entrance, put the car in park and turned to Tony.

"We're here Tone. I'll be right back."

Tony nodded weakly.

Gibbs got out of the car. A security guard approached him ready to tell Gibbs to move. Gibbs flashed him his badge and a glare and the guard backed off as the Agent walked in to the ER and strode purposefully up to the triage desk and skipped a whole line of people. The nurse looked at Gibbs skeptically and with some irritation until she heard him speak.

"I have a chemo patient in the car that is very ill. I don't want to bring him in here because of his white count."

Her face softened.

"Okay, we'll send him right up to oncology. I just need his insurance info."

Gibbs was becoming more distressed.

"Look he's really sick, he needs to be seen now."

"Tell you what I'll come out and look at him and we'll take it from there."

They walked out the door to Gibbs' car past the now curious people in line.

Gibbs opened the back door for the nurse.

"What's his name?" she asked.

"Tony."

She reached out and gently shook the fragile man lying in the backseat.

"Tony? I'm Sandra the ER nurse. I just want to check your vitals okay?"

"mmkay" Tony mumbled.

She felt his pulse it was rapid and weak and his skin was burning to her touch.

"Well you definitely have a fever bud, I'm going to take your blood pressure now." It took her two tries but she got it finally. She shook her head.

"Okay sweetie we need to get some fluids in you." She patted Tony's arm and looked at Gibbs questioningly.

"He's been sick before after chemo but today was the worst."

"When did he last have chemo?"

"Three days ago."

"Yeah, that can happen. I was an oncology nurse before the ER and it is quite common for people to become ill about three days later in the cycle. So here's what we're going to do, I am going to get a wheelchair and a mask for Tony and take him up to oncology. You will have to go to admissions and fill out paperwork."

Just then Ducky walked up.

"Ahhh I see you have things well in hand Jethro." He smiled at the nurse.

"Yeah, Sandra here has been very helpful she's going to take Tony up while I fill out his paperwork."

"Jethro my dear boy you go on up with Anthony as his primary care provider I can handle his admission."

Gibbs sighed in relief. "Thanks Ducky."

"My pleasure Jethro. Now why don't you get the wheelchair while I sit with Anthony and speak with Sandra?"

"Okay." Gibbs murmured and walked off to retrieve a chair.

"Now my dear could you please tell me his status?"

"I'm sure he has a fever and is definitely dehydrated." Sandra replied.

"Well thankfully he's here now. Thank you for your help." Ducky smiled and leaned into the car and checked Tony over himself.

_Oh Anthony you are burning up…_

Tony stirred and opened his eyes.

"Ducky?" Tony whispered.

"Anthony, we are at the hospital. You will be admitted and we shall have you feeling better in no time."

"Thanks, Duck. Jethro?"

"He went to get you a wheelchair. He'll be right back."

"I feel funny and my head hurts." Tony said.

Ducky looked at Sandra in concern.

"What do you mean by funny Anthony?" the ME asked.

"Like..like…li—" Tony's eyes rolled back in his head and he began to seize.

"Oh damn." Ducky said as he tried to keep Tony from hurting himself.

Sandra sprang into action and ran into the ER running past Gibbs with the wheelchair. "Forget the chair we need a gurney!" She yelled. The ER staff sprang into to action and rushed a gurney out to the car had Tony buckled into it and hung an IV and pushed Ativan to control Tony's seizure in a few minutes.

Gibbs just stood in shock at the whole thing. He was terrified.

"Jethro?"

"What the hell Ducky? What the hell else does he have to go through?"

_Nothing else, we can stop this now…_

Ducky looked at Gibbs and wondered if he ought to speak his mind or merely offer comfort, before he could decide Gibbs walked away.

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	26. Chapter 26

A/N: Here's another chapter.

I do NOT own

Please read and review.

PS. A big thank you to all of you who faithfully review, I cannot express how much it means to me. And to those of you who share your personal stories I do not feel worthy but I am so utterly touched by your honesty and courage. I hope to PM most of you this week to thank you each more properly. Hope you all have a great weekend.

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Tony awoke in a haze. He was lying in a hospital bed not at all sure how he got there. He saw his husband asleep in a recliner next to the bed.

"Jethro?" He whispered.

Gibbs awoke with a start. "Tony? You alright?"

"Yeah, I think so. Bad headache though. How'd I get here?"

"You don't remember?"

"I just remember puking… a lot."

"Yeah you sure did." Gibbs seemed hesitant.

"What's going on Jethro?" Tony looked at him pointedly.

Gibbs looked down at his feet as if he wished they would take him away.

"You were feeling pretty bad; you were dehydrated and you spiked a fever. So I brought you here."

"And?" Tony knew that wasn't all of it.

"And—you had a seizure."

Tony gulped at that his words failing him.

"A seizure?" he finally asked.

"Yeah."

Tony's mind was reeling. What did it mean?

"What caused the seizure?"

Gibbs was about to answer when Dr. Cavanaugh came in, a big smile on his face.

"Oh good Tony you're awake! How are you feeling?"

"Better, I think."

"Good, good." The doctor mumbled in reply as he looked over Tony's chart.

Gibbs was irritated by the light hearted tone of the doctor and he soon let him know it.

"What's so good about this situation?" he barked.

The doctor looked up from the chart a smirk on his face.

"Oh I don't know. Just the fact that Tony's seizure was caused by his fever and not from metastases to his brain. And it looks like the chemo is holding back the progression of the disease. So I don't know about you but that seems pretty damn good to me."

The two men stared at Cavanaugh in shock.

"W—what?" Tony stammered.

"Yeah, what?!" Gibbs said.

"Well, here's the situation: Tony has a bit of pneumonia, not good but not too bad either. He spiked a fever and that is what caused his seizure. We're treating his pneumonia and getting his counts where we'd like them and then resuming the chemo, which appears to be doing its job."

Gibbs and Tony stared at Cavanaugh open mouthed and stunned.

"Is that all you can do? Stare at me agape?" Cavanaugh chuckled.

Just then Gibbs did something totally uncharacteristic, he smiled.

Tony finally found words and said, "So the chemo's working?"

"Yep."

Tears sprang into Tony's eyes but he valiantly fought them back.

Gibbs ever the skeptic asked, "What exactly does that mean?"

"It means that Tony is responding to first line treatment, which in turn means that he has more time than we hoped."

"More time?"

"Yes, I can't say how much more but I can tell you that he has more and that after his last round of chemo, barring any unforeseen issues, he will have a better quality of time."

"Jethro?"

"Yeah, Tone?"

"Did you hear what he said?"

"I did."

"Well then get your ass over here and kiss me."

"Can I?" Gibbs queried the doctor.

"Sure, why not." Cavanaugh beamed.

Gibbs came to Tony and planted a sweet but intense kiss on Tony's chapped lips. Cavanaugh quietly left them.

Gibbs pulled back from the kiss leaving his hands cupped around Tony's too thin face, and stared at him.

"God, I love you so much." Gibbs said fiercely.

"I love you too Jethro, so much." Tony was more subdued.

"What's wrong Tone?" Gibbs asked.

"Nothing, I'm just so happy." His tender smile filled Gibbs with joy.

"Me too…" Gibbs whispered as he began to kiss Tony again.

McGee walked into Abby's silent lab, to find her staring at the phone.

"Hey Abby what's up?" The lack of music and Abby's strange quiet concerned Tim.

"That was Gibbs." She said absently.

McGee felt his stomach land around his feet.

"Oh God, what's wrong?"

The fear in McGee's voice shook Abby from her reverie.

"Oh no Timmy! It's good! It's so, so, _good_!"

McGee looked at her quizzically. "Then why are you acting so weird?"

"I don't know, I guess I'm afraid to be happy." She mumbled.

"Since when is Abby Sciuto afraid of being happy?"

"Since my best friend is dying…I guess."

"Oh Abby, I'm sorry." Tim hugged her. "Now why don't you tell me the good news, I sure could use some."

"The chemo is working." She whispered.

"What? Did you just say the chemo is _working?"_ To say that Tim was shocked was an understatement. It was hard to shift gears from accepting Tony's imminent death to all this hope that was now rushing in to him.

Abby beamed and hugged Tim enthusiastically. "Yep, it's working!"

An awestruck "wow" was all McGee could manage.


	27. Chapter 27

A/N: Here's another chapter

I do NOT own

Thank you all for your reviews.

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It was six months after Tony had finished his last round of chemo and his latest PET scan was encouraging. He wasn't cured but many of the tumors had shrunk or disappeared and he was feeling much better. That was why Tony and Gibbs now found themselves embarking on the adventure of a lifetime.

Tony sat nervously at the café table looking around every few seconds. Jethro reached out and laid his hand on Tony's knee.

"Calm down babe, she'll be here."

"How can you be so calm? I am a wreck!" Tony sighed.

"Because my gut says this is the one."

"Really? Why?"

"I don't know, just feels right."

Tony contemplated that for a moment. It did make him feel better to know that Jethro's famous gut was feeling positive.

"Thanks Jethro."

Gibbs smiled at him. "My pleasure." They stared at each other their eyes full of love and trust; they were in their own little world.

"Excuse me." A feminine voice said breaking their reverie.

Tony and Gibbs looked at the owner of the voice a young titian haired young woman with startling eyes one green and one blue, each stunning.

They were both stunned by her beauty and her youth.

"Are you by any chance Tony and Jethro?" She asked slightly amused at their open mouthed gazes.

Tony shook off the spell he'd been under and stood up and held out his hand.

"Tony DiNozzo–Gibbs, you must be Fiona?" He took her tony alabaster hand in his expecting to find a wilting female hand shake but instead finding a confident and firm one. He turned and introduced Gibbs,"And this is my husband Jethro."

Gibbs stood and offered his hand as well and was equally pleased by the handshake they exchanged.

"Please have a seat."

Tony smiled flirtatiously and pulled a chair out for her. She was after all a beautiful woman how could he resist? But the low growl he heard coming from Gibbs made him tone it down, quickly.

"It is a pleasure to finally meet you both. I have enjoyed our correspondences but I find meeting in person to be so much better."

Her voice was clear and cool like a spring breeze, full of promise and new life…Hopefully their new life.

"I agree." Gibbs said.

"Fiona, as you know Jethro and I are looking for both and egg donor and a surrogate. You aren't our first candidate for egg donor that we have met with. We haven't got this down to a science or anything but I wonder if we could ask you a few questions and then you could ask us anything you want to."

Fiona gave both men an appraising look. "Actually, Tony if you and Jethro wouldn't mind may I ask a few questions first?"

Tony and Gibbs looked at one another; Tony shrugged his shoulders Gibbs gave a quick almost imperceptible nod.

"That would be fine. Go ahead Fiona."

She took a deep breath and began. "My first question has to be why? Why are you choosing this instead of adoption for example?"

Gibbs gave her a penetrating stare before answering. Her lack of fear impressed him.

"Tony has been quite ill with cancer, and we wanted, I wanted a child with him that was part of him."

"And I want a child that is part of Jethro." Tony added.

"So you're hoping for multiples?" She asked incredulously.

Tony chuckled. "No not at all, we just will do more than one try at this."

"Though multiples would be great too, we aren't shooting for them so to speak."

Gibbs winced at Tony's double entendre.

Fiona saw Gibbs reaction and she laughed. "I see you are two very different people."

Tony smiled and Gibbs gave a tender half smile in return.

"Whether that's true or not, you couldn't find people more in love than we are." Tony said.

"Yeah." Gibbs added.

Fiona Richardson was 28 and wanted to help couples fulfill their dream of having children. She had a special place in her heart for gay couples. Tony and Jethro were perfect for her. But she had some concerns.

"I already like you guys, and would love to help, but I am worried about Tony's illness."

Gibbs grabbed Tony's hand; he could feel Tony withdrawing into himself.

"Look, Tony's illness is under control, we wouldn't be doing this otherwise. I assure you. Fiona we picked you out of all the others because of your desire to help gay couples, and because you were such an amazing candidate. You have everything I would want in a daughter, so having you donate your eggs to us seems perfect for Tony and me."

The fact Gibbs said that about killed Tony, knowing he saw Kelly in the young woman in front of him.

Fiona blushed at the compliment and the intense scrutiny Gibbs gave her.

"He's right you know, from everything we have read about you I would be proud to have you as a daughter as well." Tony added.

This made Fiona curious. "Read about me? Like what?"

"Look Fiona besides your profile we had you checked out. I'm sorry we had to do that but we have been burned before. You don't need to worry it was just a simple background check like you would do as an employer." Tony replied.

Part of Fiona was angry but her brain said she couldn't blame them and that if in their position she would have done the same thing. After a tense moment she nodded and continued to watch Tony and Gibbs. There small gestures of love to one another were unobtrusive and discreet, but all the same she saw them. It gave her a good feeling about these two. She finally spoke.

"I believe you have some questions for me?"

"Yes, we want to know why you are so comfortable with donating your eggs."

"You mean besides the money?"

Tony sighed, "Yes besides the money."

"Because a woman donated her eggs and body so that I could be born and be raised by the best Dads in the world." Her face lit up as she spoke.

Tony looked at Gibbs in shock. "How did we miss that?"

"Oh that's easy, one of my Dad's is named Michel, he's French. People often confuse it for Michelle. My Dads met at the Sorbonne and fell madly in love, and when the time came that they wanted children a French artist's model who was their dear friend, offered to be their surrogate. And voila here I am."

"Do you know your mother?"

"I did, but she died of cancer when I was seven." Tears welled in her amazing eyes.

"So Tony's cancer must really be hard for you to accept." Gibbs said quietly.

"No, that's not it exactly, I just wanted to make sure you weren't having a child for some last ditch medical thing."

Tony and Gibbs looked at her in horror. "Oh God no, we would never!" Tony exclaimed.

She smiled gently and reached across the table and patted Tony's hand.

"I believe you Tony."

There was an audible sigh of relief from both men.

She smiled at them, stood and said. "I think that's all I need to decide gentlemen. I will be in touch." She strode away her lithe form disappearing in the crowded sidewalk.

The two men sat thinking the same thing… that they would give anything for Fiona to agree.


	28. Chapter 28

A/N: Major Smut ahead. Okay chapter.

I do NOT own

Tell me what you think, less smut, more smut, or even just right smut?

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Three anxious days went by before they heard back from Fiona. The tension amplified every time the phone rang. The phone was ringing, Tony stood looking at it simultaneous hoping it was Fiona and hoping it wasn't.

"Well are ya gonna answer it?"

"I'm scared to."

Gibbs sighed and reached out and picked up the phone.

"Gibbs."

"Hello Jethro?"

"Fiona." Gibbs voice was annoyingly neutral to Tony and he grabbed the phone.

"Fiona? Hey it's me Tony. So I hope you have good news for us."

Fiona laughed at Tony's rapid fire response.

"Actually I think I do, and maybe a little more."

Tony looked at Gibbs and shrugged his shoulders.

"Great, hang on while I put you on speaker."

He fumbled with the buttons for a second and then had Fiona on speaker.

"Okay we're ready."

Tony grabbed Gibbs hand and intertwined their fingers tightly.

"First of all I just want to say that my Dads and I talked a lot about this and we agree that I should donate my eggs to you guys."

"Wooooo hooooo!" Tony yelled.

Fiona and Gibbs both laughed.

"I am so glad you are excited Tony but there's another issue."

Tony felt himself go cold.

"What issue?" He asked tremulously.

"Who are you planning to be the surrogate?"

"Well we haven't been as successful in that search, but I know we will be, please don't let that keep you from donating."

Tony cringed, he felt like he sounded terribly desperate.

"Oh that's not a problem, because I'd like to be your surrogate… if you'll have me."

The two men were stunned into silence for a moment, finally Gibbs spoke.

"That would be great Fiona; it means the world to us."

"Yes, it means everything. Thank you so much." Tony was choked up.

"I am so happy you feel that way, I just felt it was so right, almost in a spiritual sense. I feel called to do this for you guys."

Now Gibbs was choked up. "Thank you so much."

Fiona could hear the men being overcome with emotion and wanted to let them have privacy and some time to process.

"Well you guys have a lot to think about so I'll say goodnight for now. I'll call you back about the doctor and attorney appointments."

"Goodnight Fiona, once again thank you so much." Gibbs said.

"Yes, thank you Fiona, and goodnight sweetie." Tony added.

Fiona smiled at the endearment. "Good night you guys."

Tony hung up the phone and stared into space as the reality of the situation crashed over him in a wave of uncertainty.

"Stop. Just stop that right now." Gibbs said wishing he could head slap Tony.

"Jethro are we doing the right thing?" Tony asked quietly.

"Yes, Tony we're doing the right thing for us, for our family."

"Then why am I scared shitless?"

"Because you are about to become a father." Gibbs chuckled.

"Is this normal?"

Gibbs smiled and pulled Tony closer.

"Totally normal babe."

"You were scared too?" He asked in surprise.

"Nope. I was terrified."

Tony smiled and leaned into Gibbs and gave him a kiss.

The kiss started out sweet and innocent but Gibbs took control and soon it was a smoldering heated thing that ignited the flames of passion between them into a raging inferno of sex. Hands, mouths and clothes were everywhere.

They stopped kissing long enough to catch their breaths; it had been a while since Tony had enough energy for such heated lovemaking and Gibbs wanted to savor it but not at the expense of Tony's well-being.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, just wow!"

"Yeah, wow is right. You wanna move this upstairs?"

Tony hesitated.

"I'll help you up." Gibbs said gently.

"Oh you already did." Tony said with a leer at his crotch.

"Then what are you waiting for?"

He replied in a nonchalant way, "I was just thinking how much I would like it if you fucked me right here, over the back of the couch…"

Gibbs lust filled eyes went black with desire and a primitive growl escaped him as he picked Tony up and laid him face first over the back of the couch.

"Oh yeah, that's what I'm talkin about." Tony urged.

"Don't talk, and don't move." Gibbs demanded; his voice sent shivers down Tony's spine.

Gibbs reached up and yanked Tony's jeans off in one rough movement. Tony hissed at the sensation of the fabric rushing across his hard dick.

"Good boy wearing no underwear, I'm going to reward you for that…You can touch yourself."

"Thank you." Tony whispered.

"Did I say you could speak?"

"No..sir."

"Don't do it again or you won't be coming all night."

"Yes, sir."

Tony's head was swimming, and just the way Gibbs was so fiercely commanding was making him hard as a rock and he could feel the warmth of his orgasm building without a single touch.

Gibbs bent fully clothed over the now naked Tony and said in a low growl into his lover's ear. "I'm going to fuck you now, and you will not make a single sound or I will stop, and you may not come until I give you permission. Nod if you understand."

Tony nodded; he was now so hard he was aching.

Gibbs pulled a bottle of lube from the coffee table drawer, warmed some in his hands and began to open Tony slowly. The pace was driving Tony crazy but he knew better than to push Gibbs when he was in this mood.

"That's right you take it and then I'm going to slide my fat cock into this tight little hole so slow you think you're gonna die."

Tony almost let a whimper escape but somehow he managed to hang on. He wasn't stroking himself because he was afraid he'd come but Gibbs was having none of that.

"I thought I told you to touch yourself? You got two seconds to put that pretty dick in your hand and start stroking it."

Tony obeyed and managed to stifle a groan.

"Yeah, you stroke that cock good but don't you dare come."

Gibbs added a third finger and began randomly stroking Tony's prostate every few passes.

Tony arched his back in an effort not to push back or come. He was trembling with need.

Gibbs bent over him again and said into his ear. "Are you ready for my hard cock?"

Then almost without warning Gibbs breached Tony with one hard thrust, bottoming out until his balls rested on Tony's ass cheeks.

The sensation was intense and uncomfortable it had been a long time for Tony, but God was it good. If only Gibbs would move.

"Keep jacking that cock boy."

Gibbs finally began slowly and steadily fucking Tony faster and harder with each thrust, until Tony wanted to scream and beg to come.

There was a sheen of sweat on Tony's too thin body and he shook with effort as he staved off what promised to be the orgasm of a lifetime.

"That's right; you take all of my cock, so fucking good." Gibbs said as he reached around Tony and began stroking his cock too. Tony was coming unglued; his balls ached with the need to come, and now Gibbs hand jacking him off in time to each of his prostate pounding thrusts had Tony about to lose his mind. He wanted to beg to come so badly but knew that his husband, true to his word, would stop everything.

"I'm gonna come in this sweet hole and then I'm gonna suck you dry, so you better hang on boy."

Tony's eyes crossed at that, soon he would be babbling incoherently. Just when he thought he couldn't take it any more Gibbs slammed into him hard and deep and shot his hot load so far up Tony swore he could taste it.

Without missing a beat Gibbs took a breath and flipped Tony over pushed Tony's hand away and took Tony's cock in his mouth with one quick move.

Tony arched his back and tried to hold onto the back of the couch with all his might; his legs shaking. He was fighting the nuclear bomb size orgasm that was building in his body. Gibbs was sucking his cock so deep and teasing his balls with his hand at the same time that Tony was about to pass out, Gibbs came off Tony's dick with a pop and said, "You can come, but don't rush it." And then Gibbs went back to sucking and driving Tony insane. Suddenly, Gibbs swallowed Tony's dick down into his throat and Tony exploded, his cock, his body, his mind, exploded in a supernova of white and colored light. That was the last thing he remembered until he woke up the next day.


End file.
